VentureBeat

Haven’t you heard? Scientists have finally invented the perfect tool for porn shopping, shoplifting and general mayhem: A material that can redirect wavelengths within the electromagnetic spectrum, effectively vanishing from sight.

In 2006, Duke University researchers created a metamaterial that channeled microwaves around itself, allowing them to reform on the other side. Now the same team has found a way to speed up development, potentially making the technology useful for smaller wavelengths like visible light (microwaves, despite their name, are rather large).

Naturally, this development has spurred a mad quest for the perfect lede among tech journalists. Should we compare it to the Invisible Man? (H.G. Wells, of course, not Ralph Ellison.) What about the Invisible Woman? The One Ring? Maybe a Star Trek cloaking device or the SEP field? Wait, no, I’ve got it: Harry Potter’s cloak. Yes, it’s just like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak.

Unfortunately, the way the material works requires that both what you’re hiding (yourself, you perv) and the background behind it be swathed in the material. Basically, your invisibility cloak needs an invisibility cloak. But hey, high fashion is never convenient.

Since I’m a bit late to the story (and hate Harry Potter), I tried to cook up some other potential uses for the cloak. After all, there are a lot of wavelengths beyond the visible. Here are five:

Saving FON’s ass — One nugget buried in stories about the Duke breakthrough is that the material could help cell phone signals pass through buildings. Of course, the same could hold true for any blocked signal, including Wi-Fi internet. So all we have to do to finally make the Wi-Fi sharing network FON a breakthrough success is drape our cities in Wi-Fi-boosting metamaterial. Easy!

Slightly more tolerable cubicles — Sound is a wave, too. The right material could save you from listening to your work-mate’s description of his prostate problem.

Glasses of far-sight — Metamaterial can be used for lens effects, meaning you could spy on your hot neighbor from afar, rather than sneaking up to her window in an invisibility cloak. Oh, and those lenses could be used for studying tiny stuff, too.

Microwaving pets — In urban legend, an old lady puts her pooch in the microwave to dry it out. In reality, people just seem to have cruel urges. But with a nice microwave-invisibility coat, you can fry Fluffy safely. Fun for all ages.

Shutting up NIMBY activists — The real estate boom may be over, but their backyard is still too valuable to have a view of the new coal plant / wind turbines / modern art sculpture / K-mart. Now all they need is a few hundred yards of metamaterial.

Readers are encouraged to think up their own ideas in the comment section below.

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