E3 2009: Nintendo Press Conference Recap (In Limerick Form with Haiku Bonus Round)

This post has been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Editor's Note: More limerick awesomeness from Andrew We-Wonder-If-That's-His-Real-Last-Name. Also see his: Microsoft recap, Sony recap. -Shoe

There once was a company from Japan
Who had the casual market in hand
They left the hardcore
Wii Fit is a bore
Now Girl, age 12, is the average fan

Four-player Mario is unveiled
"The next hardcore title" it's hailed
PR spokeswoman Cammie
Her delivery uncanny
But in the game she actually failed

Wii Fit Plus was on display
Housewives thought it was okay
But they don't know
That it's just all show
And their cellulite won't go away

DS RPGs were aplenty
Because grinding is very trendy
There was no shock
And no excited talk
Because we knew about them already

The DSi and popular Facebook
Are now in connected cahoots
Snap and upload
But what of friend codes?
Pedophiles will finally get a look

Super Mario Galaxy was quite the hit
It made the executives all shit
Another core title
From Nintendo's idol
But they ask "Can it be like Wii Fit?"

Then President Iwata ran amok
With his replacement for the nunchuck
The Vitality Sensor
Electronic relaxer
And everyone asked, "What the Fuck?"

But there was one last game to reveal
One with some hardcore appeal
Team Ninja's "Project M"
It's Metroid again
Third or first person, what's the deal?


Cammie Dunaway
She's slick, PR spokeswoman
Needs Style Savvy

Reggie shoots the ball
Keeping it real for the peeps
No! White men can't jump

Third parties win
So claims Nintendo's research
Shovelware still reigns

C – O – P Recruit
New open world DS game
Generic, thy name

No Miyamoto
He's still very embarrassed
Wii Music nightmares

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