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The Dating Game

This post has been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Welcome to Bitmob.com, your resource for the hottest companies in [insert your city here]. Whether looking for a long-term relationship or something to spice things up on the side, you'll find a videogame company that offers deep connectivity and intuitive user interfaces, no matter who you are! Good luck, and happy merging, acquisitioning, and buy-outting!

Sega
Likes: What Nintendon't, Retro style, Pachinko
Dislikes: Console Manufacturing, Long dev times, New IPs

"Hi, all out there. A while ago I broke up with consoles, and now I'm playing the field. I'm happy where I am, and I'm not looking for commitment, just a night on the town and we'll see what happens. I'm a restless spirit, but don't call me whore, I'm just living my life!"

 

Bungie
Likes: Multiplayer, FPS, GOTY Awards
Dislikes: Controlling Interests, Noobs, Call of Duty

"Just came off a long-term relationship and looking to spread my wings and experience new things. I was left with a 9-year-old IP, and he means the world to me, so we come as a package. I don't get out much, because I can only outsource him now and then. Must be loving, kind hearted, and willing to make commitments."

Square Enix
Likes: Sequels of Sequels, Japanophiles, Zippers
Dislikes: CG Movies, Sakaguchi, No Zippers

"Proud family of quality titles in Japan, looking for action on the side overseas. I don't want to change anything at home, just looking for a little spice in other markets. Discretion required. Big IPs are a plus. I'm into new market penetration, things can get kind of crazy."

Midway
Likes: Fighting Games, Pinball, Investors
Dislikes: Creditors, Chapter 11, WWE

"I hope I don't come off as needy, but I am sick of owning my own IP and I really want to settle down. And I don't want to sound arrogant, but I have a lot going on for me, and I'm out there for the highest bidder — I mean Mortal Kombat is a little bit of a big deal. I've been through a lot, so you must be honest, with a good job."

BioWare
Likes: Morality, Conversation, Dice Rolls
Dislikes: Really…anything that's not an RPG

"Hey out there. I just moved to a new company, where I found a great partner in Mythic. Off the market, but still on the site to make friends. Rude and disgusting comments will be DELETED! If I see another "How big is your narrative" comment, I'm going to delete my account!"

Koei
Likes: History, Crowds, Button Mashing
Dislikes: New Experiences, Alone Time

"I am very picky, so I'm sorry if I offend anyone! Me: Proud Japanese company with a proven track record. You: Loosely based on history war epic, featuring multiple playable characters and ridiculous fields of enemies. Willing to compromise, as long as your license is good."

Team Ninja
Likes: Difficulty, Costumes, Boobs
Dislikes: Sunglasses, Leather Jackets, Straightforward Ports

"Still getting over heartbreak when my admittedly abusive studio head left me because of difficulties with our parent company. I need a solid rock in my life who is willing to let me develop my existing IPs in new and surprising ways, such as new characters, updated graphics, and sports that include jumping. Also: Must have well-endowed chest — we're a boob company."

Ignition Entertainment
Likes: New IPs, Sony, Letting you know they have games but not telling you what games they are
Dislikes: Paying for Online Functionality, Peasants

"Pretty much looking for the Olsen Twins."

Atlus
Likes: Localization, Obscure Franchises
Dislikes: Imports, Western Design

"Looking for hot Japanese games to bring to the American market. You might think I'm crazy and kooky, and I hope you are too! We have a small audience, but it's how you work it that matters."

Activision Blizzard
Likes: Monthly Fees, Yearly Iterations, Price Drops
Dislikes: Tim Schafer, Rock Bands, Low Install Bases

"Well-endowed couple looking for hot group acquisitions. Must like doing the same thing again and again, must enjoy toys, and must be open to monthly service fees in exchange for dynamic content. Your place or ours, we aren't picky, as long as the big bucks are there to warrant a merger. Must be NSA, and we will keep our own existing branding."

Electronic Arts
Likes: Licenses, Sports, Romantic Walks on Balance Boards
Dislikes: Steam, DRM (at least that's what I say), Amazon Reviews

"Old company that has been around the block a few times and is looking for something exciting and new. Looking for new IPs with franchise possibilities. Willing to court new markets, and willing to satisify the core audience. Sorry, but looking for exclusive contracts, especially for sports franchises. Playas can just get lost."

Take-Two Interactive
Likes: Sex, Drugs, and Open Worlds
Dislikes: Football, Attempted Acquisitions

"I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm known as hard-to-get. I'm not ready to settle down just yet, and I don't appreciate any forwardness. I'm a little bit of a control freak, but once you get past all that, you'll realize that I'm pretty down to earth and dedicated to making very good games. I like to get a little crazy and don't think about the consequences of some the code we put out there, but that's videogames!"

Ubisoft
Likes: Independence, Tom Clancy Novels, European Flair
Dislikes: Reviews, Nazis

"Hohoho! You have chosen the correct profile, me petite crème brûlée! All these other companies are classless! Let me take you away to Romania, Italy, Spain, China, Canada, and Brazil. You cannot resist my charm, sales, and exclusive Tom Clancy rights. Imagine: Loverz, yes? And you will find I am serious, I take no crap from pig American journalist. Bad reviews, we blacklist them, ma Cherie! Send me an IM tout suite, Sacre Bleu!"


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