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You’re Holding the Controller Wrong…

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To avoid the controller story cliches I wrote a poem.

"Check Out My Van, I Have Candy"

We are your tools of destruction,

And we are your connection to the game,

Resting lovingly in your hand,

Or strangled in your angry grip;

Winners and losers,

It matters not to me:

Yet we are the movers and shakers

Of your world forever, hopefully.

 

You're holding it wrong!

 

Controller Cliches:

Steel Battalion, N64 and Best/Worst Controllers 

Controller Rage — Thrown/Breaking Controllers

Mouse vs Controller vs Motion Controls

Dildo/Phallic

 

Sony Move Controller

Glass Version of the Sony Move. She Approves! Cheerios may not.

 

Now for the FICTIONAL story that represents every cliche…

There once was a boy named Nick. He owned a Nintendo 64. He was always angry and would throw his controller when he played Blast Corps or Ogre Battle 64. His brother would argue that his computer was far superior because the mouse was so precise. Nick argued that you could also use the N64 controller as a "feminine massager" when women to came over. He won the argument but lost the war.

Years passed and women never came over. His sexual fantasies became more bizarre. He bought an xbox and quickly realized Steel Battalion was the game he needed because getting laid was just too complicated. In that game he learned the secrets to life.

The End

Steel Battalion Controller or Darth Vader's mediation chamber. You make the call.


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