The Count to V: Community Homework Edition – Quotables.

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I've precious little introduction to these other than they are all sentimental and somewhat comical favorites. Maybe not iconic, but memorable for me:

5. "You spoony bard!" Tellah – Final Fantasy IV.

I have no idea what the hell a spoony bard is. Is it a bard that's a utensil? Is it a bard that likes to scoop? Is it a bard that cuddles all nice with you? I've been lost since that scene. All I do know is when you hear those words, an old man is likely going to open up a can on you.

All your base....

4. "All your base are belong to us." -  CATS – Zero Wing

Oh the stories of awful translation have a long history in the industry and this one is the stuff of legend. It's part of an entire sequence of some of the worst English ever written by anyone not me. So much so there's a nifty little song and video based totally upon this quote. I'm serious, check it out:


Kefka Motivation


3. "There's nothing like the sound of hundreds of voices screaming in unison." Kefka, Final Fantasy VI-


Who needs a B-movie? Kekfa is the ulimate killer clown. As represented in that once quote, Kefka's easily one of the most twisted, disturbing, and purely evil video game villians ever. Hell, even Arkham Asylum's version of the Joker is funny and likable on some level. This guy? Total, maniacal monster down to that twisted synthesized laugh.




2. "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I even invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file; 'Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned.' SHALL NOT BE MOURNED. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny too." – GLaDOS, Portal.

It's hard finding one single line from Portal because everything was so good. GLaDOS with her constant sarcastic jabs made her as lovable as a homicidal AI could ever be. Crying shame I had to kill her…oh yeah….almost forgot.

Still Alive

"Oh, it's you… It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know…after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."

I can't wait. And I must be a glutton for punishment….

The Ride1. "It's like I always say, Player One, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose as long as you get to play with yourself. Now get the hell away from the computer and go make some friends!" – Cookie, You Don't Know Jack.

Yeah, I was that guy. I went out and hooped with my friends. I had "NBA Live Sundays" with my best friend up the road when we'd just hang out and play sports games all afternoon. But I wasn't lugging a computer anywhere with me and I had no internet connection. So I played YDKJ at home. Solo. And Cookie Masterson, rubbed it every single time from Jack 1, Jack Sports, Jack The Ride till Jellyvision finally took the game onto the and I was expected to play alone. Kinda lost the charm of the scarring abuse. But's always had a sharp wit, amazing satirical commercials (below) and irreverent sense of humor that's made it my favorite trivia game ever with no company in sight. I keep my fingers crossed the rebirth of the series will live up the history. And with that.

"I'm Cookie and you're… pathetic! Playing by yourself? Sheesh, go read a book or something!


You can typically count on Gerren LaQuint Fisher to do some sort of shameless self-promotion in this space following a non-serious topic. Today he feels it's better served shouiting out The V Foundation for Cancer Research. In the words of the late-Jim Valvano, "Don't give up … don't ever give up!"

Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 2.00.11 PMGamesBeat 2014 — VentureBeat’s sixth annual event on disruption in the video game market — is coming up on Sept 15-16 in San Francisco. Purchase one of the first 50 tickets and save $400!
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