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A Civilization 5 Love Story

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Every year I run into the same problem: Which game will I buy? And more so: Which game will I buy this week?

It’s fall, and that means the gaming landslide has begun and won’t cease until every last penny and every last spare moment succumbs to its unstoppable, relentless, destructive path. It’s a great time to be a gamer, but a bad time to have limited funds.

Listen, the only way to avoid something is by embracing something else. In this case, the only way to avoid the epic game rush is to buy a game that will keep you busy forever. Everyone has that one game that swallows up their time, the game that keeps a dad with three kids under 4 up until 3 a.m., the game that makes a dad say, “Why is that strange lady asking me to change my kid’s diaper?" and "Why does she seem so angry?” (Hint: It’s your wife).

For me, that game happens to be Civilization 5.

 

 


I purchased Dead Rising 2 because I am such a huge fan of the original. I also picked it up because I love zombies. I had barely started playing Dead Rising 2 when the more cerebral part of my brain quietly whispered, “Queen Elizabeth and all of England are nearly conquered.” And later, softly, “Remember the city-states you've befriended.”

“Shut up, brain,” I retorted. 

"What?” said the strange lady in the room.

Meanwhile, I grabbed the baseball bat in the corner of the hallway and continued to bash zombies. Then the zombies' faces started turning into hexes, and when I tried ending my turn, I realized I was bashing a human pharmacist in the face, all the while sending my worker searching for the Zombrex resource for my little infected girl, just so I could upgrade her to a Musketeer.

Wait, what?

I found the Zombrex; the pharmacist reluctantly followed me to the safe house; I saved my game; and I decided that, perhaps, zombie-slaying had better wait — the world needed conquering. 

I know other games are coming out, but nothing else matters. Civilization 5 is what I assume smoking crack would be like. For instance, I was relaying a story to my lovely wife about how I wiped out a city-state to make friends with another city-state, only to double-cross them afterward!

Then she asked me if I liked Civilization 5 more than her.

I frantically searched for the "consult adviser" button. When that didn't work, I tried loading an earlier save. But I quickly found out I hadn't saved for the past five turns! My beautiful wife grew impatient. "But I can take as long as I want; there's no time limit on my turn!" I said. She said otherwise. 

As my grasp on a Domination victory fell like sand through my fingers, and with 2050 A.D. quickly approaching, I knew my only option was a Diplomatic victory.

"You will always be 222 steps ahead of any game, no matter how good it is," I blurted out.

"Whatever you say," she said, waving her hand in the air. "Now, move over. England isn't going down without a fight." 


I can't believe retailers are practically giving away Civilization 5 is practically at $50. More crack-like substance fills this one DVD than Mick Jagger has ever done in his entire life. Or it's a close second.

If Civilization isn't your thing, I'd sure love to hear what game you use to stave off the flood of fall gaming goodness. 


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