Top Ten lists…everyone hates them, but like a horrible train wreck, no one can deny their irresistible allure. Why do we bother reading them? For that matter, why would any sane person waste his or her time writing one?
10) Bored at work
Here’s the scenario: you’ve finished your daily tasks, talked to all your co-workers, visited your favorite websites, and contemplated switching careers. What’s left? Writing top ten lists of course!
9) Addicted to X/Y/Z game
If you’re like me, when you get addicted to a game, you eat, breathe, and sleep it. If you can’t spend every waking moment glued to the screen, you improvise—lest withdrawal kicks in. If you can’t play the game, you read about it. If you can’t read about it, you listen to the music. If you can’t do any of the above, you write a Top Ten list just for an excuse to mention it.
8) You complete X/Y/Z game
You’ve finished the greatest gaming experience of your life (for this week, anyway), completed all the sidequests, earned all the trophies, downloaded all the DLC, and the sequel doesn’t come out till year’s end!! (I’m looking at you, Mass Effect 3) The only logical panacea is writing Top Ten lists.
7) You want to win Bitmob’s super-spiffy prize
I heard it’s a new Audi. Or a thumbs-up. Either one.
6) Psycho Mantis forced me to
I can read your every move. Top Ten lists are addicting, and you will read them all. You will write your own, and force Bitmob readers to suffer through them. Switching controller ports won’t work.
5) We all love to complain
More precisely, we all love reading someone else’s opinion, so we can flame them in the comments. “How dare your list of the Top Ten NES Games not include Bible Adventures! A pox on you and your home!” Who needs intelligent, coherent arguments? The internet wasn’t built for such trifling crap.
4) They’re cheaper than booze and twice as addictive
Booze is expensive, and leads to all sorts of bad decisions—like buying Superman 64, or waking up next to Jabba the Hutt. Top Ten lists are comparatively safe, cheap, and consequence-free. The worst that can happen is some ten-year-old calls you a douchebag. See #5.
3) All the cool kids are doing it
If you’re reading this, chances are you weren’t one of the cool kids. When everyone else was bedding their first girlfriend, you were saving the princess. You’ve blown off more than one social engagement for a marathon WoW raid. Top Ten lists up your coolness factor.
2) Chicks dig ‘em
Better than crude comments about her bust size on X-Box Live, chicks love Top Ten lists. The longer, the better. The more references to Lara Croft’s breasts, the better. And if it details your encyclopedic knowledge of the female anatomy, you’ve won her heart.
1) David Letterman does it