It was one of many conversations about Dragon Age: Origins.
“I would totally date Morrigan if I was in Dragon Age for reals,” I told my buddy over the phone.
“She’s kind of a bitch,” he responded. “You kind of have… she’s pretty much Torri.”
That hit me like a soccer ball often does in the face: hard and unexpectedly.
I do date the same types of women in my Dragon Age games that I do in real life.
Most women I date give me this look…
Now, I have an idea of a perfect woman, and it focuses a lot on honesty and kindness. I’ll be damned if what I go for is further from that simple perfection.
The sly, mysterious (not to mention red head!) Leliana was what I wanted, but I couldn’t keep away from Morrigan. Long black hair, a big bosom and the inability to love — just like the real women I date.
Huh, my buddy is right.
Fast forward to the city of Kirkwall in Dragon Age 2 and sweet, shy, yet not-so-innocent Merrill is living with me. I crave the chance of trying to “help” her get over the obsession with blood magic. Plus, she’s a cute elven girl.
However, I’m also infatuated with the swashbuckling, might-have-an-STD pirate lover of mine. The girl I dated but three weeks ago, and am still trying to date, has the same kick-ass mentality, ability to out-drink most people, a nice tan and a rockin’ body.
Seriously, this chick is a starting college soccer keeper and a years-old friend of mine — something similar to my hero’s situation with his dark-skinned pirate lover.
Pirate love… the only kind of love.
She’s not perfect; she raises a lot of red flags. Maybe it’s the kinship. Or maybe it’s just that we get (got) along or that she has a rockin’ body that I would brave a forest of Deathspawn for the chance to be with her again.
But again, much like the quick-thinking and intelligent Varric, my buddy makes his point again: all these women are bad news bears.
He’s right! Aside from all the lavish… materialistic and short-sighted gains, these women might be good for a bar fight or two in my home town of Kennan or Hawke’s Kirkwall, but they aren’t exactly bring-home-and-show-off-to-mom material.
See, unlike my heroes, I can’t just give these girls gifts — though I’ve given them what they tell me are “the best they’ve ever received” — or talk out there problems with dialogue strings where I know which answers are the right ones, and where I can reload an older save in case I screw up.
These women are a lot more complicated and fickle; I can’t just act like my good-natured Grey Warden, Louis, and know that everything will be solved and we will sail off together at the end of our adventure — until the next game/major event that is.
But therein lies the problem: As troublesome as they are, I love trouble. Not only do I date the women I date in real life in my video games, but I think I can solve or fix their problems as if I were one of BioWare’s carefully crafted eight-packed heroes.
Nicht gut, mein freund. See, I live in a fantasy world. Sometimes Varric, or Nolan, rather, will embellish problems and mishaps a bit when it comes to talking about my little dating fantasy world circulating through my brain — but that doesn’t really matter.
I should have went for the kind-of-normal girl.
I like to date women that are more apt to zap me with spells (goalie punch me) and run and hide from love as I try to fix their problems by fighting a two-story, five-ton dragon (call at strategic times and try to work things out or resort to heartfelt gifts to open up a tightly-shut heart).
Alas, I am, in my mind, a video game hero. I’m full of an always-do-good attitude and believe I too, like Hawke, can sail off in the sunset on a pirate ship with both Isabela and Merrill. Umm… just don’t repeat that. I mean, the real life me would never try to do that, anyway…
However, if my Grey Warden and Champion of Kirkwall can do it…