Once again, it's time to chow down on wisdom and earn some fat knowledge!
Screw your mad skillz! If you want to earn timed double-experience-points blocks in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 — and subsequently nab some n00b-destroying ordinance before anyone else can — all you have to do is buy some Doritos! Win-win!
That's right: Activision has partnered with Pepsi for the extra-special Rank-Up XP promotion, wherein you purchase some healthy, life-giving food or drink (such as a 20-pack of Mountain Dew), redeem the enclosed code, and get 15, 45, or even 90 minutes of in-game bonus XP for your carnage. Plus, you get to stack on a few extra pounds of pure, heart-killing fat as an extra reward!
But what say the true experts? Is this not the most awesomest thing evar?
"I tried to get them to poison the food as well so we could sell the antidote, but try explaining market convergence to those PepsiCo pinheads. So I'm investing heavily in the medical industry instead."
- Rufus Shinra, Final Fantasy 7
- Pac-Man, Pac-Man
"And now I long for the days when dynamic in-game advertising secretly installed spyware on my computer. At least the viruses didn't pretend they were doing me a favor."
- Samus Aran, Metroid: Other M
"Artificial food. Artificial reward. The yin and yang, a perfect balance between Disodium guanylate and placeable XM312 sentry guns. It is too bad I only eat redwood bark and sunlight."
- Ryu, Street Fighter 4
"In my country, you get killed by crazy leaders. Here, you get killed by cheesy snack and drink. I love America!"
- Niko Bellic, Grand Theft Auto 4
"What? XP? What kinda weak-ass, dog-sniffin' sack of day-old donkey s*** needs XP to kill his fellow man? And as for that brain-meltin' junk food, ol' Avery chows down on a balanced meal, every meal, thanks to the Corps! Eat that goddam broccoli, boy!"
- Sergeant Avery Johnson, Halo 3
"Interesting biochemical experiment. Similar to rats, maze, cheese. Classic. Suggest introducing crate of Ho Hos and Manzanita Sol to control group, also variants, blind tests, possibly small goat for accurate results. Eager to see outcome! Must remember to keep defibrillator and shady lawyer handy."
- Mordin Solus, Mass Effect 3
"Super-sweet! I'm already powered by Dew, and the seizures only come when I open a refrigerator too fast and the light catches me by surprise! I AM TEH AWESUM!"
- Ninja, N+
"Go ahead. Waste your time on that game. The whisper you hear will be the bullet I sink into your forehead while you're busy teabagging 9-year-olds."
- Sam Fisher, Splinter Cell: Conviction
"Please. All this will do is cause sales of double-cooked, hot-n-spicy pork rinds to briefly dip."
- Lara Croft, Tomb Raider