GamesBeat

Alex (from A Clockwork Orange) plays Dark Souls

This post has been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

"What's it gonna be then, eh?"

There was me, that is Alex, and my droog, that is LugwigVan, LudwigVan being a digital malchick.

And I sat in the Undead Burg making up my rassoodocks what to do with the evening.

Dark Souls is a real horrorshow eegra, and you may, o my brothers, have forgotten what horrorshow eegras are like, things changing so skorry these days and everybody very quick to forget, NES not being played much neither.

Having just kupetted a few soul levels, there was no real need from the point of view of doing the ultra-violent any more starry, shrivelled-skin chellovecks, so I grabbed my nozh and went in search of a real bolshy veshch to tolchuck while I tried not to snuff it.
 

After oobivatting some real gloopy chassos, I goolied across a rampart between two towers. Then the ground started cracking like atomics, and I slooshied this clop-clop-clopping. What your humble narrator did viddy next was this real strack scoteena, all ready to jammiwam his shlaga on my gulliver. And jammiwam he did — so skorry, my guttiwuts colored the stones.

Taurus Demon

I came back to the bonfire with my rot all squaring up for a boohoohoo. But then I skazatted to myself, "Alex, you were not put on this earth just to platch like a malenky ptitsa." So I gathered up my sharries and ittied back for another drat.

Having a brilliant messel, I did what any moodge with half a mozg would do, I ran underneath his giant yarbles. Not for a bit of the in-out-in-out, but because only a really dim orange would tolchuck his own yarbles. So, my brothers, this did become a real dobby mesto to let the krovvy flow.

After I finished shiving this grahzny bratchny, I viddied a door and decided to ookadeet. I gavoreeted with this real nadmenny shoot, all covered in metal and such, before a bridge caught my glazz.

With a guff, I goolied to the bridge to see where it might privodeet. The last thing I did viddy, my dear droogs, was giant zoobies before the fire plesked all over my dear LudwigVan.

Dragon

Appypolly loggies, o my brothers. It's time for Uncle Alex to grab a bit of spatchka before he tolchucks his controller real horrorshow-like. I'll filly again tomorrow.


Special thanks to Samir for the first image.

If you're totally lost with this story (or you just need to brush-up on your Nadsat), here's a dictionary for you.


Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 2.00.11 PMGamesBeat 2014 — VentureBeat’s sixth annual event on disruption in the video game market — is coming up on Sept 15-16 in San Francisco. Purchase one of the first 50 tickets and save $400!
blog comments powered by Disqus

GamesBeat is your source for gaming news and reviews. But it's also home to the best articles from gamers, developers, and other folks outside of the traditional press. Register or log in to join our community of writers. You can even make a few bucks publishing stories here! Learn more.

You are now an esteemed member of the GamesBeat community. That means you can comment on stories or post your own to GB Unfiltered (look for the "New Post" link by mousing over your name in the red bar up top). But first, why don't you fill out your via your ?

About GamesBeat