If you happen across my prone figure in Battlefield 3's Wake Island map, you'll find me in my preferred haunt — nuzzling a palm tree while cradling a sniper rifle longer than I am. Helmets, beware!
• Franchise classic Wake Island gets a glossy new coat of Frostbite 2 paint in Battlefield 3's Back to Karkand map pack. I'll finger the tropical sun's glare as the culprit behind the sudden phenomenon of pilots convinced that flying straight into a beam bridge ends well.
Continue after the break for a chummy group of cursed criminals in The Darkness 2, the various blood options in Serious Sam 3: BFE, and why you should never stand in the way of a walking meat mountain in Of Orcs and Men.
• The Darkness 2's co-op mode bestows the power of demonic energy to four players. Dibs on the mentally unstable swordsman — if I (unfortunately) can't be one in real life, I'll take the next best thing.
• Serious Sam 3: BFE help line operator Rich Knuckles narrowly escapes a grammatical faux pas while demonstrating the game's various blood types. The prospect of basting in kid's blood isn't totally horrifying — it could be baby goats for all I know.
• Of Orcs and Men takes us to the other side of the green curtain with a firsthand look at the plight of Orc-kind. That is, until you smash some heads in with a colossal cleaver. I think that's called "affirmative action."