Once again, it's time for our best minds to write checks their bodies can't cash!
And since this marks the one-year anniversary of ROUNDTABLE'D!, it's only fitting that we shamelessly turn back to an old topic instead of thinking up something new! That's right…we're closing out twelve months of unparalleled wisdom and insight by finding out what the future holds for our esteemed panelists using the most reliable future-discovering method known to sentient life: New Year's resolutions! Just like we did in the ROUNDTABLE'D! that started it all.
So who's making plans for 2012?
"Control! I'm gonna show an emotion this year. Maybe mild disinterest. Or itchy. Delta out."
- Marcus Fenix, Gears of War 3
"I'm going to discover girls! Those are the ones with the bumps made out of fat cells, right?"
- Otacon, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
"Screw Princess Peach. I'm kidnapping Lara Croft from now on. I don't expect it to turn out any better, but I'll enjoy losing a whole lot more."
- Bowser, Super Mario Galaxy
"Well, since I'm up here orbiting the moon, as it were, I think I shall go ahead and map it. Right! Here we go! Mapping the lunar surface! There's…a big, flat area there, sort of whitish-grey, more white, really, and oh! Some circley bits! Quite a lot of circley bits, actually, and I've written them all down very, very accurately. And, um, that's quite dark, can't see anything…we'll just add some squiggles, some big, black squiggly lines, and now I have mapped out the moon. Go, me! Time to update the resume, I think. Exceptionally Brilliant Lunar Satellite: check! Master Cartographer: double check!"
- Wheatley, Portal 2
"I'll finish crushing justice with the supreme energy that is Psycho Power! And then I'll discover whether my evil, world-dominating crime syndicate is called Shadaloo, Shadoloo, Shadowloo, or Shadowlaw! My business cards are things that suck!"
- M. Bison, Street Fighter 4
"In my new game, I will be nice to someone. Right before I shove them up their own ass!"
- Kratos, God of War 3
"The Arab Spring left me short of dictators to quietly assassinate, so I guess I'll just save the world from nuclear terrorists. Again. Haven't done that in at least a week."
- Sam Fisher, Splinter Cell: Conviction
"I was supposed to take game-design classes that would've introduced me to something called 'the 21st century,' but I signed up for sensitivity training instead. I hear the teacher's a hot piece of ass."
- Duke Nukem, Duke Nukem Forever
"I'm switching careers from 'zombie bait' to anything else. Subway sandwich maker. IRS clerk. Master of Unlocking. Whatever. I want a desk, and a stapler, and a timecard, and a boss I hate who doesn't turn into an armor-plated killing machine."
- Jill Valentine, Resident Evil 5
"Say, don't we have a Mayan armageddon coming this year? Because I am all over that action."
- Nathan Drake, Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception
"I'm going to reclaim my rightful place as the one true Nathan."
-Nathan Zachary, Crimson Skies: High Road to Revenge
"Since my last resolution worked out, now I'll resolve to bring dual wielding back. With swords."
- Master Chief, Halo 4