This is something I don't often admit. And, frankly, not many do because of the perceived stigma that stems from admitting something entirely individual. I don't know why I've chosen BItmob as my platform, maybe because I just perusing the site when the thought approached, but this post now exists and there's nothing to change that.
My life hasn't been the easiest. As is the case with others, of course, and these isolated souls don't often seek help. I fit into that category. I'm stubborn as an ox, or bull, or however the saying goes. And I've paid deeply for the consequences of holding the feelings internal. Not speaking my mind, purposefully sheltered myself from the world; hell, I haven't hung out with any friends in nearly three weeks.
I suffer from depression. Undiagnosed, but it's clear as day. The constant feeling of belonging shrouded in desperation and misery, the sucidial tendencies, the carelessness of everyday living; for the last thirteen years it has come to define my existence. But for thirteen years I've scraped by, barely hanging on, with the help of people I've never met, and possibly never meet, all through their digital creations.
Completely imaginative worlds no other living soul would render, and to experience them has aided me through the worst of times. The hardest nights as a child diverting my attention to Pokemon and not my parents fighting downstairs for the fourth night in a row. Drowning out "inappropriate" thoughts by collecting stars intent on saving Princess Peach in Super Mario 64. Or, more recently, getting lost in the world of Battlefield 3 or Mass Effect 3 to escape the reality of joblessness.
Depending on video games to get through personal crises is nothing new, or original, or extraordinary, but I felt a spur of the moment and this post has reached its end. Thanks for reading!
You can find more incomprehensible rantings at Volatile Mode. Please check it out!
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