GamesBeat

ROUNDTABLE’D! Game characters speak out on the Diablo III anti-launch!

This post has been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Once again, we load up on knowledge from our dedicated servers!

You’d think after waiting 12 years for a new Diablo game, everyone would be a little more patient. But no, the millions who bought Diablo III all wanted to play it right at 12:01 a.m. on launch day, immediately crashing the servers. That's what happens when you get greedy, punks! And because the game's digital rights management (DRM) system requires a persistent Internet connection to work, that unwashed, potato-sniffing rabble even ruined the fun for innocent preteen virgins who just wanted to play the single-player campaign!

But what say you, panel of experts? Enjoying your Diablo III experience so far?


Ryu Street Fighter

 

“It is Zen in a game. You sit quietly in the misty moonlight, waiting…waiting…as the sounds of nature calmly wash over you. As you wait. And sit. Waiting. Forever. Oooohmmm….”

- Ryu, Super Street Fighter IV

 

 

 

Ezio Assassin's Creed

 

“I have stared at those crows for many hours, and as a man who often works with birds, I tell you they are not to be trusted. Also, I have named them all Hector.”

- Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Assassin's Creed: Revelations

 

 

 

 

 

Brutal Legend Eddie

 

“Not cool, dude. Tying a single-player campaign to online servers is like KISS writing a song that’s not expressly about getting laid.”

- Eddie Riggs, Brutal Legend

 

 

 

 

Mordin Mass Effect

 

“Catastrophic server failure now standard for all DRM-game launches. No planning? No preparation? Release date a secret? No! Knew pre-order numbers! Had midnight launch events! Still caught like epileptic deer in planet-sized strobe light! Unfortunate repetition of events. Definition of "insanity." Also "stupidity," "incompetence," "politics," "fly fishing."

- Mordin Solus, Mass Effect 3

 

 

Max Payne

 

"I'd lined up with the rest of the lemmings, all of us thinking we'd jump off that cliff and fly. Too bad a lemming's not as aerodynamically sound as a used sandwich."

- Max Payne, Max Payne 3

 

 

 

 

Ridley Metroid

 

“I’ve got a solution that’ll fix everything. Piracy.”

- Ridley, Metroid: Other M

 

 

 

 

 

HK-47

 

“I also have an Error 37. It pops up when I accidentally try to connect with someone on an emotional level instead of just stabbing them with a crab fork."

- HK-47, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

 

 

 

 

Rufus Shinra

 

"Please. You don't own that game. That was a $60 rental fee. You de facto agreed to our terms, accessible from the main menu, by accessing the main menu. And if you don't like it, I can send large men with single-digit IQs over to repossess the game, your computer, and the three fingers of your choice. Always read the fine print!"

- Rufus Shinra, Final Fantasy VII

 

 

Nathan Drake

 

"Are we sure they didn't just decide to push back the release date a few days and not tell anyone?"

- Nathan Drake, Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

 

 

 

 

Diablo

 

“I WIN!”

- Diablo, Diablo III


Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 2.00.11 PMGamesBeat 2014 — VentureBeat’s sixth annual event on disruption in the video game market — is coming up on Sept 15-16 in San Francisco. Purchase one of the first 50 tickets and save $400!
blog comments powered by Disqus

GamesBeat is your source for gaming news and reviews. But it's also home to the best articles from gamers, developers, and other folks outside of the traditional press. Register or log in to join our community of writers. You can even make a few bucks publishing stories here! Learn more.

You are now an esteemed member of the GamesBeat community. That means you can comment on stories or post your own to GB Unfiltered (look for the "New Post" link by mousing over your name in the red bar up top). But first, why don't you fill out your via your ?

About GamesBeat