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The Best of BANHAMMERED! 3: Retribution

This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.

Note: What follows are real posts from Xbox Live users and the official responses from Microsoft employees. No names were changed to protect anybody. All misspellings and grammatical errors were preserved because it’s funnier that way.


Back in November 2011, Xbox Live seemed to be holding some sort of banning season, since there seemed to be a lot of users being taken down from the service, as I looked into the issue, I went to the Xbox Live’s forums and found lots and lots of people complaining why they were “unfairly” suspended or banned from the online service.

Later on I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. Not only the complaints made by Xbox Live’s users were hilarious (apparently, no one didn’t recall doing anything wrong), but also the way the XBLPET—the Xbox Live Policy Enforcement Team—decided to respond to those inquiries was pure gold; they didn’t hold anything back and let them know the specific reason why they deserved being taken down from XBL’s service.

I knew I had to share this with everyone, so I made an article about it and uploaded it into Bitmob (what used to be GamesBeat back then). The article became really popular, and ended up being read by thousands. But last year I wondered if I did a wrong to the world because—for whatever reason—the XBLPET just stopped responding to complainers the way they did pretty much after my article was published.

So I went back to those days, and dug up a few more precious posts to share with all of you. I was pretty much overwhelmed by the quality and quantity of posts, that I knew a second article wouldn’t be enough! So here it is, the third and final part of From the Xbox Forums: The Best of BANHAMMERED! (And I’m really going to leave it in a trilogy, since I hate when things get sequelized till boredom).

This last episode will include mostly the best responses made by by XBLPET Quebec and XBLPET Golf, who seemed to be the guys having the most fun giving the best to  customer service’s efforts (even XBLPET Golf proudly bears the title given by the former site’s editor of Honorary Bitmob staffer).

XBLPET-Quebec-and-Golf


For starters, let’s remember that people don’t get “barred” for being soo good playing online.

xbox live account barred 

reddotonmy4head: “I received an email to say my xbox live account has been barred for a week.Gamertag = “Budgie on steds

It was barred previously for me putting lyrics from a Dr Dre song entitled “The Message”

I removed this and you have banned me again all because I played someone on call of duty last night who was a complete pyscho and has probably asked all his buddies to complain about me for punishment in simply being more skillfull than him.

A week is a little much please reconsider as I take it my xbox live subscription wont be extended?.

It wont stop me playing for a week I will just use my sons account instead.

Any response is appreciated.

Kind RegardsMark G” 

XBLPET Quebec: “I need to make a macro for this… because I read it all of the time in many different forms. “I got banned in COD last night cuz I was beating so many people so they complained about me and banned me.. meow..meow….”

So, when someone files a complaint it goes to the ether and comes to us as ONE COMPLAINT. (no matter how many were filed) It comes up on my screen at work, and in your case it was: “Code of Conduct my bio you barred me forwere the lyrics from a track from a dr dre album you pen pushin out of touch no common sense [edited by moderator] get a life listen to more music!!!!!!” Then I or one of the other Enforcers read said complaint and decide what to do with it. Since it wasn’t your first, you were hit for a week.” 

Suspension

Jinz0: “I am suspended for a week: 10/17/11 through 10/26/11. Someone enlighten me about that, please. Did I own someone on COD and that person sent a million rage complaints on me?

XBLPET Golf: “No, but you did drop the f-bomb in your profile.” 

Suspended? Really?

SxeVisionFTW: “Hello,

I am here to inquire as to why my account SxeVisionFTW was suspended. Due to bad content on my profile? 1 word? And it was only brought to your attention because a bunch of kids that I was playing on Call of Duty got mad that I was clearly better than them at the game. So they all filed a complain on my profile. A 7 day suspension when I have clearly never done anything even nearly worth a suspension is a bit extreme. Dontcha think? I do. You could have easily just blocked me from editing my profile for a predetermined amount of time instead of issuing a 7 day suspension on my account when you have 12 year old children cussing like a sailor over Xbox Live without any sort of repercussions. This includes on their profiles. Yet you suspend me for a full week because a bunch of angry 12 year old kids filed a complaint because they were jealous that I’m better than them. Good job, Enforcement Team. Bravo!” 

XBLPET Quebec: “Suspensions are 24hr, 1 week, 2 weeks and UNTIL THE END OF TIME.. time.. time… time…

You were hit for profanity in your profile in the past so the second hit escalated to 1 week… and so on. So, it wasn’t the kids. (although they helped)”

Don’t know why you were suspended? Look at your face… or your hair.

suspened from xbox and i didnt do anything why xbox why?

 Iw0mBaT:i tryed to og in and it says that i have a ban for life when i didnt do anything. when i was plzying mw3 i was doing amazing and think some people got mad and reported me because they were jelious. I hope microsoft can help me because i don’t know where else to turn. HELP!!!!!!”

XBLPET Alpha: “No jealousy here, your permanent ban is due to your avatar modded.”

hacked and now banned permanently ? help

nebbyy: “hey there so if you check your records around 8 monthst ago i called as i had been hacked they stole alot of microsoft points ect and just recently ive been banned permanantly due to avatar skin color i assume as when i recovered the account my avatar for xbls skin was red i never bothered to change it as im not the sort of person to mess around with that and now ive been banned indefinatly for something of a result of being hacked brilliant!

Is there anyone i can contact to drag up old records and get this case resolved, thank you

gamertag : nebbyy 

XBLPET Quebec: “That means you had 7 months to fix it, which you did… TODAY. You forgot the hair though. Suspension Stands.”

What's wrong with my hair?

Above: What’s wrong with my hair?

So, blatant homicide can’t get you banned?

Yo….I’m permanently suspended?

Slawter: “My gamertag was Slawter. Says I was sent an email but I wasn’t. Was I banned for slaughtering kids too much?

XBLPET Golf: “Well, no. Unless your avatar was bathing in the children’s blood… Which would be rather unsanitary but might just explain how your avatar’s colour became such a bright red hue.”

Remember to take a bath in your sins after every match.

Above: Remember to take a bath in your sins after every match.

Do you really want to know exactly why your son was suspended?

Child Suspended?

GoD Ii HaDeS iI’s mom:My sons account was suspended, and I would like to know why. His gamertag is GoD Ii HaDeS iIxboxlive.com states there was an email sent stating reasons, but no such email was received. I would appreciate any insight with this matter.

Thank You” 

XBLPET Golf: “You really should have a word with your son regarding what is and is not appropriate, not just on Xbox LIVE but in general society. The profile content for the account GoD Ii HaDeS iI was informing users that he was going to force them into unwanted sexual congress. The account had previously been suspended for threatening to shove his anatomy into the reader’s backside, demanding the oral satiation of said anatomy and blatant sexism. While we apologize for any frustration this suspension may have caused, the content of his account’s profile is blatantly in violation of the Code of Conduct and thus a suspension was issued. We thank you for your cooperation and understanding in this matter.”

Talking about Mutually Assured Destruction

My Account Was Suspended

getnjr005: “Me And My Friends were reporting each other and the next day i was suspended From xbox live”

XBLPET Quebec: “You were hit for offering modded lobbies.”

Yes, you can ask me later…

UnBanned? 

connordude: “Can I be unbanned now?”

XBLPET Golf: “No.”

OK, who was the funny guy who sent a WMD on my lobby?

 Banned??

Assential A: “Last Night i was randomly disconnected from a game of Call Of Duty: Black Ops… The message that had appeared on my screen said that i had been banned until 12/31/9999. So, I went to my email and it had said account suspended for recovering accounts I didn’t have access to, it had also said for asking for gamer information. I had never done any of this, and so i called the Xbox support and the very kind man said that if i hadn’t done any of that it was probably someone in my lobby or one of my friends that had and, so you guys had done a “Nuclear Ban Bomb” to anyone in that lobby. So I was just wondering if there was something I could do to reverse this because, i had never done any of the actions listed

Thanks Again For Your Support,

Assential A”

XBLPET Golf: “Apologies, but we do not drop “Nuclear Bombs” upon people. We prefer precision strikes, as we prefer to avoid civilian casualties at all costs.

The profile content of the account Assential A was offering other users modified hardware in exchange for direct payment, thus violating the Terms of Use for Xbox LIVE. The Code of Conduct specifically states that users are not to engage in private commercial enterprise on the service, and the use of modified hardware is patently disallowed. Upon discovery of this content, we stepped forward and issued the account in question the appropriate punishment for this misbehaviour, namely a permanent suspension from the service.”

Worldmap showing banned players in the last 24 hours in Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Above: A creative engineer in Treyarch made a Worldmap showing players being nuke-banned in the last 24 hours.

A minor offense surely would override my permanent and more serious offense, right?

Banned 

ZOMB1 ASSASS1N’s mom: “On October 3, 2011, my sons account was suspended for life, for something that I don’t believe he did. I understand what is done is done, but today on October 5, 2011, I was notified of a temporary suspension due to the content in his bio. I went to the profile, there it was some the exact words it would take to get banned (those words were not on the bio on 10/5). After the first banning I talked with him and told him the console would be banned if anything else happened. I tried to erase the bio but was told I would have to sign in to do it, but I could not sign in because the account is banned. So my question is how could my son put the words in the bio if the account was banned from signing into xbox live. I admit the whole xbox live tech is beyond me but something does not seam right. My son told me he got in a argument with someone who said they would get his account banned. So two questions, Is it possible that the account was hacked, and how could he change the bio if the account was already suspended and he could not sign into live? His gametag ID is ZOMB1 ASSASS1N.

In addition I know what kids are capable of, but it make it difficult to punish them without any detail of the offense. The lack info in the banning email just is not helpfull to us parents.”

XBLPET Lima: “There is a myth floating around the internet that if your account receives a profile suspension, which is usually temporary, after receiving a permanent suspension that the suspension will be overturned and replaced with the temporary suspension. This is false. However many of our users believe this to be true and use an unauthorized method to access their suspended account in order to deliberately place extremely offensive content in the profile in hopes they will receive a shorter suspension. This often times results in a more serious consequence as it is a severe violation of the Terms of Use.” 

temporary suspension xXx B3AST xX

xXx B3AST xX:i got a temporary suspension over a perma ban and the email said i would get a mssge on my dash board telling me how long i am temp. suspended. do u have any idea of how long im suspended. it was for my profile. or somthing thanks for you time and thoughts”

XBLPET Juliet: “…You were already permanently suspended because you were exploiting infections. You’re still permanently suspended.

Your profile was cleared because you put, and I quote, “*** MICROSOFT ITS THE GAYEST COMPANY” in your profile.

We’ll be fixing that little problem of being able to post to your profile after permanent suspension.” 

Banned for what? 

Charred Reptile: “Sorry about the number of posts, but i havent been getting emails from this site so i had no way of checking if you even answered my question. I would like to know why the account Charred Reptile was banned for? I havent received and email telling me why and i just cant figure it out? i never modded or done account tampering, so thats out. I never stole anything from the market place, i dont even know if thats possible. and the worse thing ive done was use vulgar language in my bio, but i was banned for 3 days because of that. and now poof! banned with no idea of what i did. it sucks. please help”

XBLPET Golf: “The account was permanently suspended for solicitation. By the way, continuing to put offensive content in your profile after a permanent suspension in order to override it with a temporary suspension does not work, nor has it ever. Continuing to do so may lead to additional actions being taken against other accounts on your console or the device itself.”

I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name…

Please Read and Help, Account ban 

A XB0X EMPL0YEE: “My account was banned for impersonating. I was gonna change my gamertag tomorrow, ou can even check my microsoft points. I am currently at my uncles and cannot not access a xbox for which I was unable to change any info. My 1600 points have been there since Friday so you know I wasnt going to spend them on a arcade game. Can you please allow me to login and I will change my gamertag. This has been my main account since I joined XBOX LIVE. I probably have spoent over $1000 on the account and now I lost ALL of my MONEY. I have lost my microsoft points, my friends, my arcade games, my indie games, my game progresses, my game saves, my game ranks and so on. Plus im paying $450 for a new XBOX in November for the Call of Duty XBOX. I have sent my XBOX consolde like 3 times to be fixed and I have 3 XBOX consoles due to the systems red rings and disc tray. I just want my account back so I can keep playing on my main account that I pay tons of money for. I promise I will change my gamertag. Im deeply sorry and hope to hear from your team soon. My gamertag is: A XB0X EMPL0YEE. And the O’s are zeros so its: A XB(zero)X EMPL(zero)YEE. Thanks for your time.

-Jordan Anderson” 

XBLPET Golf: “While your gamertag was a red flag, it was hardly the reason for your suspension. Nay, it was your actions under that tag that got our attention and earned the account a permanent holiday from the service. Your profile content, for example, helped further cement the background the account was based around. However, it was messages the account had sent to other users where it was stated that, for example, “we will be banning you for a month” and “You may get a login issue within the next week. Dont worry. Its a temporary ban.” caused us to take umbrage.” 

total ban

E A Online pass: “could not log on and the following evening was able to, only to find abusive messages left. Especially from one gamer [edited by moderator] stating he had reported me on xbox twitter and the next message to enjoy my ban.

I have now been banned from xbox live with no reason other than the standard email stating permanent suspension – account attempt information or commerical purposes.

Account theft or commerical use has not been done.I would like an explanation as to why is there a permanent ban.

This now seens, from the recent news, to be a problem with XBOX permanently banning players with no excuse/reason and also their console.

gamertag E A Online pass 

XBLPET Quebec: “Actually there’s no question about this one. You were hit for pretending to be an EA employee to phish information from other members of XBL.”

In case you skimmed over this essential part on XBL’s Code of Conduct

banned 

SPAY DON 187: “y was my account banned ???????”

XBLPET Quebec:Because there’s only ONE XBLPET QUEBEC!

Impersonation of the best XBLPET is against the Code of Conduct and Terms of Use.


Yes, XBLPET Golf and Quebec, you guys are the best, and Xbox forums, Xbox Live… the world was better when you were around providing your personal best efforts to customer service, and showing those pesky cheaters, pirates, and overall annoying users who’s boss.


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