This time, Nintendo’s favorite mascot, Mario, creates a profile. After Peach broke his heart with her Extra Hearts page, this could get a little awkward.
Likes: Sports, the color red, and flutes.
Dislikes: Eels, blue shells, lava, hotels, evil doppelgangers that smell like garlic, and stupid pink princesses who’d lead a guy on for 25 years.
Favorite foods: Pasta, mushrooms, peaches — OH GOD WHY CAN’T SHE LOVE MEEE???
Most interesting thing about me: I saved the universe by flying through open space and jumping on things. And then three years later I did it again. Oh, I also saved the same ungrateful bitch each time while I was at it.
Our first date: We can go to any world or zone you like … except the friendzone.
You should message me if: You think saving the world and your life would deserve more of a reward than a kiss on the cheek.