This is how civilization ends.
While we were all distracted by nonsense like the rise of fascism in the U.S., murderous carnage in the Middle East, and a Biblical plague in Brazil, a U.K. company has flown in under the radar and delivered a product that is surely the real harbinger of the Apocalypse.
U.K.-based Firebox has launched Nudee, which will mount your head atop a 3D-printed figurine for the low, low, low price of $212. The figure is 7.8 inches tall and allows to choose from six body types.
“Does the thought of getting naked make you nauseous? Or are you quite frivolous in flaunting a little flesh?,” the company inquires alarmingly in the product description. “With Nudee’s you can confidently show off your classy curves, your massive muscles, or your thin thighs without having to undo a button.”
The company says you just need to upload two high-resolution photos of your head to make this happen.
What exactly is to stop you (or anyone) from uploading the pictures of, well, anybody? Friends, enemies, secret crushes. Maybe you casually drop a 3D-printed fatty version of your enemy on his desk as a totem to make him cower before your power. Or maybe you place a muscled version of yourself on the desk of a cute coworker in a misguided attempt at a hip new way of flirting without realizing you have done the creepiest thing ever?
“Whether it’s of you, your crush, or your boss, it’s the ultimate narcissist’s desk accessory to finally prove that size doesn’t matter,” Firebox says.
You can see that it’s just a few short steps until we find ourselves dividing into warring tribes and smashing every semblance of civilization and end up living in grass huts and slowly starving to death because we have forgotten how to live off the land.
You have been warned.