How video games will help you survive jail time

Apparently, a few of my tips from last time didn’t work out so well. Something about readers being sent to prison, hoping that I die in a fire, and some nonsense about "dropping the soap" or whatever. On the positive side, I’ve received a few letters from gracious fans that detail how much they’ve learned in prison and exactly what they want to do to my genitalia once they get out. You know, they actually seem kind of hostile now that I think about it.