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ROUNDTABLE’D! Game characters judge Press Reset: The Story of Polygon!

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ROUNDTABLE'D!

Once again, we assemble the absolute best people in the world to deliver something we think other, not-so-good people are ready for!

Grant! Crecente! Pitts! McElroy! Plante! Another McElroy! Gies! Frushtick! Together, they are Polygon, the Super Friends of game-coverage sites…coming in 2012. But a mere placeholder web-page hasn’t stopped this all-star league of video-game journalists from releasing a trailer for Press Reset: The Story of Polygon, an upcoming reality-show webseries chronicling their dramatic struggle to be video-game journalists.

Naturally, the Internets judged them harshly, because that’s how the Internets roll. And since humans only need a 44-second teaser to judge anything, that’s how we roll, too! So what say you, panel of experts? Press Reset…pretentious or pioneering?


Isaac Clark Dead Space

 

“Cut the s**t. Who’s sleeping with who?”

– Isaac Clark, Dead Space 3

 

 

 

 

 

Nathan Drake

 

“Just so long as someone’s told to pack up their consoles and go because it’s Game Over every week, I’m cool. In fact, I’ll call it now…Justin and Griffin McElroy will form an alliance with Arthur Gies to back-stab Brian Crecente right before Chris Grant kneecaps them all.”

– Nathan Drake, Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

 

 

 

Diablo

 

“That trailer doesn’t sell me. Where are the really dramatic moments that make up a game journalist’s life? Deciding between a 7.5 or a 7.6 review score, getting shot with NERF darts, playing Lollipop Chainsaw, launching AIM to see who’s online, eating In-n-Out Burger every day…oh man, I just gave myself chills!”

– Diablo, Diablo III

 

 

Kirby

 

“They so sad and poignant. I CRIZE LIK A VIDEOH GAAM!”

– Kirby, Kirby’s Return to Dream Land

 

 

 

 

 

Chun-Li

 

“Good for them. Somebody needs to class up game journalism. And let’s be honest…if Destructoid did this, it’d be set in a Hooters and have a canned laugh track.”

– Chun-Li, Street Fighter IV

 

 

 

 

Mario

 

“I hope-a they all dress up, getta crunk, and go a-clubbing every night! I wanta see those guys dance a-sexy! Wah-HOO!”

– Mario, New Super Mario Bros. 2

 

 

 

 

Princess Peach

 

“My soul just threw up.”

– Princess Peach, New Super Mario Bros. 2

 

 

 

 

 

Faith Mirror's Edge

 

“Can’t wait for the immunity challenge where everyone hunts down the last can of Mountain Dew Game Fuel.”

– Faith, Mirror’s Edge

 

 

 

 

 

Kratos

 

“It needs MORE VIOLENCE and BETTER JOKES.”

– Kratos, God of War: Ascension

 

 

 

 

 

Big Daddy BioShock

 

“I sincerely wish them the very best fortune, but in all honesty, their business model mystifies me. They already have a lot of overhead just in terms of staff salaries, a film crew, travel budgets…and corporate sponsorships from Microsoft will only go so far while possibly impacting their…wait…woman touched small child! MUST…DESTROY! HOOOORRRRAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

– Big Daddy, BioShock

 

 

 

John Marston

 

“A lot of them folks don’t have anything to prove. Can’t figure why they’re trying to prove it anyway.”

– John Marston, Red Dead Redemption