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Once again, we demand a recount with our army of paid pundits!
It's here! It's finally here…an end to all the commercials, robo-calls, and street teams knocking on our doors! Today we choose the leader of the free world! At last, the democratic process upon which we founded our beautiful country will leave us the hell alone. And whether we canonize Mitt Romney or extend Barack Obama's contract (with America), you know one lucky winner will strive make our lives better and run the entire country into the ground. Well, that's what my TV tells me, anyway.
What say you, panel of experts? Any plans or predictions for election day?
"I'm busy today."
– The Master Chief, Halo 4
"I'm voting for the Peace and Freedom Party's one-two ticket punch of Rosanne Barr and Cindy Sheehan. It's like the best Saturday Night Live sketch ever!"
– Isaac Clarke, Dead Space 3
"It's gotta be Romney. How can I not vote for the robot?"
– Doctor Ivo Robotnik, Sonic X
"I am holding an election-night party where only the survivors will be permitted to vote. Of course, I am not an American citizen, and cannot vote regardless of how many people I dismember. Perhaps this is why I'm rarely called upon to organize Bar Mitzvahs."
– Ryu Hayabusa, Ninja Gaiden 3
"Voting's for suckers! But with all those elderly ladies volunteering at voting poll stations, you won't find an easier place on Earth to score some serious ass. Aw, yeah, baby! It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet of aqua-colored stretch pants and post-menopausal hormones! Rrowrrr!"
– Mr. Game and Watch, Super Smash Bros. Brawl
"Guess it's time to take my Super-PAC, the Give Ridley All Your Cash and He Maybe Probably Will Almost Not Eat You Fund for America, and split. Thanks, Supreme Court!"
– Ridley, Metroid: Other M
"Actually, three other white men and I chose the winner two months ago. If you think decisions like that should be left to a population that keeps America's Got Talent on the air, you deserve the substandard slime-food we pump into your feed bags."
– Rufus Shinra, Final Fantasy VII
"Obama by a landslide if anyone my age voted."
– Faith, Mirror's Edge
"I don't get it. Shouldn't King Obama's eldest daughter inherit the title?"
– Princess Peach, New Super Mario Bros. U
"Who I vote for ain't your business. But I will say if you don't vote and you don't care for the road we go down as a result, you best shut your hole for the next four years, if not longer."
– John Marston, Red Dead Redemption