1. No matter where the battle takes you, from the streets of New York in Ninja Gaiden 2 to the Renaissance-inspired city in Devil May Cry 4, citizens seem to know when to clear the hell out and let me do my thing as city streets, buildings, and houses are inhabited solely by the bad guys. This removal of innocent people lets me kill with reckless abandon without the worry that I might have killed a group of trannies instead of a pack of demons.
2. Said citizens are also courteous enough to get rid of any articles, journals, newspapers, magazines, and books that aren’t relevant to the situation at hand because honestly, when I’m trying to save the world I don’t want to read something as useless and unrelated as little Jimmy’s report card, even if I happen to be in little Jimmy’s parent’s house. Besides, after whatever catastrophe brought my character here little Jimmy is more than likely dead so it doesn’t even matter that he failed gym class…actually, that might be the reason why the little porker is now in some monster’s belly.
3. Brightly-colored, glowing things that burst out from inanimate objects apparently make good currency, which would spell doom for any second-hand store since all a person would have to do to get money on an item would be to break it and absorb the cash that spilled out. “That’s all you’re going to give me for Ninja Blade, fuck that,” *smash* “Ha-ha!!”
4. Next, action game protagonists are so focused with the task at hand that nothing will veer them off the chosen path…or at least that’s what I assume. How else can one explain them besting demons with unmatched power, demolishing armies with superior skill, dodging attacks with lightning-fast agility, and more but not being able to hop over a fucking three foot fence if it’s not directly taking them to their goal.
5. Finally, as badass as I feel controlling a character who saves the world while wearing outfits that every fanboy wishes (s)he had, I do feel removed when the “OMFG PWNAGE!!” actions occur, because the really cool stuff still only happens in cutscenes. It’s like working your way up to third base with a girl only to then let someone else get to fourth with her while you’re sitting there with a thumb up your ass which may be pleasurable but “in the end”, it just isn’t as fun.