Playing Bionic Commando, probably about 50% through it or so, and the swinging is surprisingly fun when you get the hang of it. Everything else is pretty sub-par and the game would have been better if it was just swinging challenges, but whatever. The main point of this article is to discuss the utterly retarded way in which this game decided to implement invisible walls: radiation.

See, in this City, the name of which I forget since I’ve skipped all the terrible and boring cutscenes, everything is radioactive. Except, it seems, a few streets that are luckily all interconnected and they’re the only ones you need to get around the city. This radiation will kill you in about 2 seconds if you wander into it, and radiated places glow blue. Seems simple, right?

Eh, not exactly.

See, you also get radiation if you go too high. Sometimes this can be JUST a bit higher than that balloon/mine/whatever you want to grab. So you overshoot thinking, "Hey, I can just grab that on the way back down", but due to the floatiness of the jumping, you hover in radiation for a couple of seconds and die. Then you go back to the checkpoint which was about 10 minutes ago. Also you have to re-do any challenges and re-collect any collectibles along the way.

Adding to this is that sometimes there’s no glow at all, or it’s indistinguishable from the sky.

"Oh I’ll check out this alley over here, maybe there’s a collectible OOPS IM DEAD. FART"

It’s a dead man’s party. Who could ask for more? Everybody’s playing, leave your bionics at the door… Leave your bionic arms at the door.

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Addendum: Apparently Bionic Commando is rated M, which was surprising. I had to check the box after I was pretty sure I heard a dude yell the F word at me, but I thought I imagined it due to the bloodless violence. A strange decision. By the way, The F Word? That’s a good show. Has Chef Gordon Ramsay in it, pretty cool.