Bionic Commando

The first demo I am going to talk about is Bionic Commando. My very first impression was that everybody looked like Vector Man or a Lego Bionicle character. Not really sure what was up with that to be honest.

BANG BANGShooting a white version of… myself?

The swinging mechanics are really great. It feels pretty good to swing around like Spider Man holding a grenade launcher. In fact, I think the swinging is done better than the shooting, which in multiplayer doesn’t really cut it. Sure, you can swing at somebody, but it doesn’t do a damn thing.

Swingan Gaems Blury picture shows me swinging towards some yellow bastard

The action is fun and all but every game I played was laggy. People would swing and kind of float in the air for a few seconds, they teleport around, and some times they will even jump off the side of the map and reappear at the top again. 

Thirsty Sniping makes me fucking thirsty for Pepsi.

In all, it is a pretty fun demo. Punching some poor bastard off the skyscraper while he is trying to snipe is pretty satisfying, and as mentioned the swinnging is very well done and fun.


Red Faction: Guerrilla

If there was a game that made you feel manly as shit, this would be it. The game gives you some decent guns and a cool "repair" tool, but the manliness factor definatly comes from the Sledgehammer.


The sledgehammer makes you feel so powerful. The first time you run up to some bastard and slam this bad boy in their face, you’ll see why. Then you ask yourself what the big deal is, I killed somebody with a melee weapon. I can do that in a lot of games.


HELL NO. You take that god damn hammer and you can break walls, towers, and even bridges. The destruction physics in this game are wonderful, and the first time you watch a building fall off of the edge of a cliff you will be very proud of your doings.

OH SHI-Pictured: A building falling over and almost crushing me.

 The gameplay is pretty fun, despite the demo only having one mode of play. You have to destroy these… things. I am not even sure what the hell they are, but you destroy it. Once broken, you use your repair tool gun thing to fix it, which makes your team "Capture it"

 Sadly, when I played online, nobody gave two shits about the objective. Everybody felt like ruining the entire map with hammers, and they did.

OH GODSome guy just got SLEDG’D out the window. FUCK YEAH

I think this game may be a purchase. It reminds me of Blast Corps on the N64, only with futuristic fireman strippers with goatees.



As soon as this demo started I said "What the fuck is this?" That question never left my head the entire time playing it. You play as this whore who is for some reason cell shaded in an environment that looks really detailed. 

whoreWhen I said whore, I wasn’t kidding.

 For some reason, you have this slut who runs around in this outfit that makes no sense at all. Assless chaps, a thong, and odd bondage ropes around her breasts. I guess the developers felt like that would get your mind off of how shitty this game is. Well it didn’t.

cutsceneThe cutscenes have some nice lighting effects, but as soon as you get to play again, they go away.

The gameplay felt like a shitty mix of Sonic the Hedgehog, Devil May Cry, and Fable’s combat system. You basically run around tapping the X button, and then RT to shoot. Boring as shit.

Then you unlock new spells, which are stupid. You assign them to a button and press them to shoot the attack. 

ShittySadly, this is a better Sonic game than most of the Sonic games that have came out in the last few years

The story seems like a cliched piece of shit. She’s on a quest for "Treasure" and is in some random "Tomb". She has a really annoying voice and cracks these jokes and puns that make even Captain Planet seem like a comedian.

ohlolLooking for treasure? More like looking for dicks.

Towards the end of the demo you fight the Big Bad Wolf. I didn’t pay any attention to what the fuck was going on because I couldn’t. She grabs some orb and this big wolf comes out and tells her no. What the shit?

god damnThis is why you don’t wear shit like this on your adventure. You’re going to end up being sexually abused by a giant wolf man.

Absolute shit. I would not recomend this shit game to anybody I know.

And with that, I conclude my demo impressions. I know my screen shots are very low res and blurry. I need a better capture card.

Perhaps I will go back and do more games in the near future. Maybe.