This past weekend I decided to try out one of the many Facebook games that lately have been captivating many of the core gamers. I looked into what my friends had been playing, and the last game one of them had tried out was Farmville.

I truly didn’t know what I was getting into, and was not prepared for the addicting meta game that would rule my life for three days .



Farmville is a fairly simple game where you are a farmer who must plant and harvest crops in a timely manner. Every type of crop there is will grow fully in a set amount of time and selling each crop scores you a different amount of cash.

Ideally one would play this game using the crop that has the best cost-to-time-to-value ratio. That crop is the strawberry, or rather, it usually is. I happened to start playing this game at the best time, because the developers where offering, as a thank you to there fans, the super berry. The super berry cost you 10 coins to plant, takes 2 hours to grow, and makes you 100 dollars upon harvesting.

This alone, the ability to gain fake money online really wouldn’t captivate me. What Farmville did grab me with was what most games grab me with, experience. Every time you plant a crop you gain experience. And, to top it off, your experience is displayed to all your friends, along with your player level.

picThis game now provided me with a chance to whip out and wag my E-penis into the face of my Facebook friends. Most of my Facebook friends are not gamers, so I rarely have the opportunity to do this.

Since I was starting the game late compared to my friend list I got down to business from the start. Planting super berries and being sure to check them every two hours.

The only times I wasn’t doing this was to stop for sleep(I didn’t leave the house much this weekend).

And that was the game, or at least it was for me. Realistically, I only scratched the surface of the game, but the basic concept of the game was all I cared about. You are allowed to visit your friend’s farms in order to help out and earn EXP. For me doing this didn’t warrant much of a reward, because I try my best to keep my Facebook private and limited to about 20 people, 4 of these friends where playing Farmville.

One thing I noticed when visiting my friend’s farms was that they all spent lots of money on things like barns, and animals. The thing is that these things don’t offer you any advantage in the game.

You’re able to sell animals, but in the time it takes to sell one you could of planted a crop that would earn you more then twice what the animal is worth. And all the buildings in the game are just for decoration. Me, having my ‘slap my friends in the face with a sweaty E-cock’ mindset didn’t value any of this in the game.


Ya know, I didn’t intend for this post to be a review, I was just going to bitch about how this game drained away so much of my weekend.

But seeing how this is now a review I’ll finish up with the stereotypical review ending. If you jump at the chance to prove your hardcore to your friends then you’ll enjoy the leveling aspect, but if you need more to a game then be warned, this is all there is to the game. Experience. The end.

That’s it. If you don’t like this then go play a RPG or something.