In preparation for Valentine’s Day, this week’s Reviews Spotlight will tenderize that cold, black, dead thing you call your heart.

Scott Bradley will be the first to pull on your heartstrings with his review of Army of Two: The 40th Day. I recently beat this game with a close friend of mine, and I’ve got to say, our relationship has never been stronger. Suriel Vasquez piles on the emotion with his impressions of No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle. Complete with an appropriately melodramatic title, this sequel arms you with a laser sword and a motivating plot — what could be more awesome? Dana Laratta steps in with a 12-word review of Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. That’s right. Instead of a long-winded article on this Wii title, Dana summarized his thoughts in the form of a Haiku. Truly brilliant!

A Bro-Moment

Richard Moss has peeled himself away from Glider PRO to explain how a game about a paper plane could be so captivating. Subsequently, Tim Thomas, TJ Babcock, and Jason Lataillade tag team Borderlands in a round table-style discussion. Meanwhile, Eric Majkut takes on the video game adaptation of this year’s biggest cinema hit: Avatar. Late to the party, but arriving in style is Garret Staus with his review of Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Now that we’ve extracted all of your remaining emotion, Kevin Zhang-Xing offers a topical comparison between Battlefield: Bad Company 2 and its predeccesor.

Allow me to be honest for a moment. Call it hubris, but I’ve sometimes felt as though Bitmob hosted some of the Internet’s most creative writers. This Spotlight only confirms my belief that you’re all great writers. You guys make me proud. I love you…so much. Excuse me, I’ve got to find some napkins.


Army of Two: The 40th Day – Worth Buying?!
By Scott Bradley
A relative newcomer to Bitmob, Scott chose to focus his second review on the two baddest dudes in the industry — Rios and Salem. Packing even more witticisms and snarky pop culture references than ever, EA Montreal’s Army of Two: The 40th Day is a frat boy opus. The weapon customization is robust and the fist pumps are even more intense this time around. The game is a little pricey in the United Kingdom, Scott’s country of residence, a detail which you should be aware of before reading his review. Regardless, if you’re amused by gold-plated Kalashnikovs and high fives, this piece will probably interest you.

 

No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle — Revenge Can Be Violent AND Sexy
By Suriel Vasquez
Travis Touchdown is back and Suriel does his best to keep up with the protagonist’s awesome name, hairstyle, and attitude. After falling out of the United Assassins Association, Travis vows to reclaim his position at the top while simultaneously avenging the death of his friend, Bishop. While Suriel may poke fun at the game’s cheesy plot, he seems to have enjoyed its intentionally self-depricating brand of humor — you might feel the same way.


Glider PROThe Little Paper Plane That Could
By Richard Moss
Never
heard of the Glider series? I don’t blame you. Glider PRO is a
Mac-exclusive title published in ’91. The game allows players to
explore levels, or “rooms,” while controlling a paper airplane. By
turning on lights and fans, you guide the paper plane through museums,
apartment buildings, and restaurants. Enemy paper airplanes, bouncing
basketballs, and leaking ceilings are just some of Glider’s
unconventional obstacles. If the concept of flying a folded plane
amuses you, be sure to check out Richard’s impressions of Glider Pro.


Haiku Review – Silent Hill: Shattered Memories (PS2)
By Dana Laratta
Dana could have spent two hours writing a needlessly loquacious article on this horror classic. But he’s a free-spirited soul. His opinions can’t be imprisoned by convention and expectations. So instead of a three-page rant, this Bitmobber chose to epitomize his thoughts into a concise Haiku. You need to read this!


Three Reviews In One: Borderlands
By Tim Thomas, TJ Babcock, and Jason Lataillade
What’s better than one review? Three! Apparently, this was the guiding mantra of Tim, TJ, and Jason. The trio have pooled their writing skills together, and the result is this fantastic review of Borderlands. The article reads like a transcript from a podcast, and the opinions of the three contributors are all equally intriguing. Although this article is one member shy of completing the Borderlands quartet, Tim, TJ, and Jason do their best to communicate the pure joy that Gearbox’s most successful game promises.


Avatar Review
By Eric Majkut
If you’ve been suffering post-Avatar depression after realizing that Pandora isn’t real, this movie-to-game adaptation might be your only remedy. However, if you’re anything like me, you didn’t enjoy the film very much — which means that a game based on the movie doesn’t pique your interest. But wait a minute! This multiplatform title is a whole ‘nother ball game. Just because you think James Cameron is an overrated windbag, doesn’t mean you’ll hate the video game based on his movie. So do us all a favor and check out this review!


Unfashionably Late – Batman: Arkham Asylum
By Garret Staus
Have you ever arrived late to a party? You open the door, the music stops, and everyone stares at you. Well, either Garret loves the attention or he simply was too busy with other holiday releases to run through this comic book homage. You’ve probably already seen, read, and heard several reviews of RockSteady’s freshman title, but Garret provides some perspective you won’t find elsewhere.


Vs. Comparison and Impressions – Battlefield: Bad Company 2 Multiplayer
By Kevin Zhang-Xing

Bad Company 2

It’s heartwarming to know that, despite the slew of recent releases, there’s someone else who is wholly occupied by the Battlefield: Bad Company 2 beta. EA’s stress-test beta sends players to the snowy banks of Port Valdez, Alaska, where American and Russian troops fight it out in the new “Rush” gameplay mode. With one month to go before Bad Company 2 is released, Kevin tackles the question, “How much of an improvement is this sequel?” You’ll have to check out the full review to receive an answer!