Prepare for destruction, uncivilized language, and ungentlemanly behavior. Where are we, you ask? Why, in the Bitmob Reviews Spotlight, of course!
This week's journey begins with an esoteric, independent game and concludes with over-the-top American masculinity. Prepare a jockstrap and a monocle — you'll need both.
Limbo Is an Insult
By Jeffrey Sandlin
Jeffrey is a serious guy. In fact, one would be wise to heed his threats. Considering the danger posed by this reviewer, it should come as no surprise that I, Bitmob's bravest correspondent, cowered in fear after reading this unforgiving review of Limbo.
Jeffrey wants his money and dignity back, and who's to say where he'll draw the line? Playdead Studios, I suggest that your staff locks their doors at night. As for the rest of you, check out the review, but mind your manners in the comments.
Crackdown 2: Lather, Rinse, Repeat…
By Alan Rappa
Considering the title, it wouldn't be impetuous to assume Alan is describing his shampooing routine. Unfortunately for the hair and hygiene enthusiasts at Bitmob, this article concerns Crackdown 2, Microsoft's newest entry in the growing crime-fighting franchise.
So how enticing is the new and improved Pacific City? Well, when a review begins with words like "shortcomings" and "disappointments," it can't end well. Surprisingly, however, Alan's story quickly adopts an upbeat tenor.
If repetitive, monotonous gameplay sounds appealing, feel free to read this review. But remember, they say variety is the spice of life…so be sure to read Patrick Bonk's Crackdown 2 review below.
For What It's Worth: Super Street Fighter 4
By Ryan Conway
Does adding the word "super" to your game make it immeditely better? Probably. But so does the addition of new characters, special movies, and music.
We give Super Street Fighter 4 the Ryan Conway treatment in this week's Spotlight. So set aside your anxiety and prepare from some astute purchasing advice. Just don't buy the downloadable content…at least not until Ryan's reviewed that, too.
My List of the Best (and Disappointing) Games of 2010…So Far
By Carlos Macias
The flood of big-budget holiday releases is almost upon us. Between Halo: Reach and Gears of War 3, gamers will have precious few moments to breathe and appropriately digest the upcoming hits. Luckily, we've got Carlos Macias in our corner.
After reflecting upon the year's announcements and releases, Carlos has compilled a list of the 2010's best and worst. Did your favorites make the cut? Only one way to find out.
By Gary Lucero
Gary asks a direct, honest question. Fortunately, it's a rhetorical question, so you can put your pencils down.
Described as "Monkey Island meets Diablo," DeathSpank promises to deliver a hybrid of comedy and action, the likes of which haven't been seen since the developer's last game, Penny Arcade Adventures: On The Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness. Will this cocktail of humor and horror please the pallet? Only Gary has the answer.
For What it's Worth: Punch-Out!! (NES)
By Ryan Conway
Mike Tyson is known around the world for his victories in the ring. Less apparent, however, are his personal victories over drug addiction, bankruptcy, and his unruly temper. Suffice it to say, the man is on the road to recovery.
Here to remind the heavyweight champion of his worst career decision is Ryan Conway, with a review that proves that Nintendo did the right thing by excluding Tyson from Punch-Out!!'s remake. Way to keep a brother down, Ryan!
Crackdown 2: The Sequel You Were Looking For?
By Patrick Bonk
Not sold on Alan Rappa's shampooing analogy? Well, that's why we've got a backup review.
Despite having piggybacked on the success of Halo 3's multiplayer beta, the original Crackdown managed to entertain most who tried it. Without the help of another Halo game, will Crackdown 2 be able to replicate the success of its predecessor?
Android Review: Battleflood
By Alex Martin
Considering his ownership of an Android device, Alex Martin clearly enjoys being ahead of the curve. While I struggle with my decade-old Samsung phone, Alex is playing games like Battleflood.
Are you among the select few with an Android phone? If so, feel free to take a break from your self-satisfying smugness and read this review. Excuse me while I throw my phone out of the window.