Brett Ratner

I have three fears. The first is the cataclysmic end to all life on Earth. The second is public speaking. The third is that X-Men: The Last Stand director Brett Ratner might ever get his hands on another property that I love.

Thankfully, none of these happened this week.

Ratner announced today that he is working on an adaptation of Zynga’s Farmville for television, according to The Wall Street Journal. The creative force behind Tower Heist plans to make Farmville into a half-hour animated sitcom.

“Farmville is one of the most exciting brands out there today, and its cross-platform opportunities are endless,” Ratner said in a statement. “I am thrilled to be expanding the brand with existing fans and also engaging a whole new audience.”

Farmville is a social-gaming phenomenon. It has millions of players on Facebook and is one of developer Zynga’s flagship products.

Or to put it another way: It’s the opposite of Star Wars.

Perhaps this is the universe balancing itself out. J.J. Abrams keeps absorbing all of the amazing properties (Star Wars, Star Trek, Half-Life, Portal), which means someone else has to take on Farmville and a new Hercules movie starring The Rock … which Ratner is directing.

I’m just glad he’s busy with this and not something like The Legend of Zelda … hey, do you think we could get Michael Bay to adapt CityVille 2?