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Yes, it’s April Fools’ Day. And yes, that means that every corporate comedian (not an oxymoron, apparently!) is shoveling out their fake-product-launch-gag things today.

Har-har.

One is tempted to be cynical that in a world of otherwise scarce resources. Corporations now have near-limitless money and time to devote to the conception of fake products and to the creation of heavily-produced videos to execute their gags.

But instead, one shall cast such cynicism aside, and just roll with it. Because one no doubt needs to lighten up and not be such an old crank who is pooping on others’ party and yukking their yums, and so forth and so on.

Because even though fake product creation is now a year-round industry, and even though people are pitching joke web services on a daily basis, well, we all still need a good laugh now and then. It’s a pretty grim world, after all. And so, we shall submit to the forced frivolity of this day, even as every instinct causes us to emit barely audible groans each time a new prank appears in our newsfeed, and causes our eyes to roll back to such degrees that we were not previously aware were physically possible.

Here then, are the very best of the least-worst gags that we have seen thus far. The associated Google round-up is here, by the way, since the search giant has now decided that April Fools’ Day is on March 31 and rolled out its obligatory gags yesterday. Or maybe that was a meta joke on the joke? Okay, our heads are starting to hurt.

Back to the gags.

Moto Selfie Stick

Not bad, actually. Motorola treats the selfie-stick with Jony Ive-like reverance. “It’s one of the most practical and useful accessories around. It’s like when the sun turns the rain into a rainbow.”

Hailo Piggyback Service

“We want people to really question what it means to travel from A to B.”

UberLIONS in NYC

From the fake blog post: “Today, we’re partnering with Nat Geo Wild, the network from National Geographic, to bring you the wildest campaign yet—UberLIONS—on-demand lion cubs! That’s right, with just a tap of a button you could be petting and playing with a real live lion cub.”

Side note: There is a serious side to this one. Uber wants you to make a donation to help save real lions:

“In addition to applying the code LIONCUBS, you can also make a direct donation. Text ‘Lions’ to 50555 to donate $10 toward National Geographic’s ground conservation projects.”

UberFLY in Bangalore

Guess every Uber city is going to pump one out today. There’s UberEllie in South Africa to ride-share elephants. Frankly, not sure we get this one. Probably a Bangalore thing. But, whatever. When you raise $5 billion in funding in one year, nobody is asking too many questions about your budget.

Sphero’s new fake Latin American Cartoon series

These guys make these little robotic balls. Honestly, I don’t get this. If you do, please explain in the comments below.

CERN confirms existence of The Force

Power nerds make funny: “Researchers at the Large Hadron Collider just recently started testing the accelerator for running at the higher energy of 13 TeV, and already they have found new insights into the fundamental structure of the universe. Though four fundamental forces  – the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force, and gravity – have been well documented and confirmed in experiments over the years, CERN announced today the first unequivocal evidence for the Force. ‘Very impressive, this result is,’ said a diminutive green spokesperson for the laboratory.”

Microsoft’s MS-DOS for mobile

Might be funnier of Microsoft had more than 1 percent in mobile OS market share, but: “Whether you’re going back to BASIC, or simply booting into DOS for the first time, MS-DOS Mobile marks the next step in Microsoft’s reinvention of productivity.”

Goodreads new dating app: KINDLR

Yo: “Like everything else we do at Goodreads, KINDLR was a passion project from start to finish. Several members of the Goodreads team are single and dating in San Francisco, and they were getting a little too familiar with profile photos of girls in fake mustaches and guys cradling baby tigers or dancing shirtless at Burning Man. ‘We realized that we’d need to either change our lifestyles, or change the way that we date,’ says Project Manager Andreas Ernst.”

Bing offers new palm and mind-reading service

Um…: “If you’re using a PC, laptop or tablet, visit the Bing homepage and use Palm Search by placing your hand against the screen and simply think about what you’d like to search for.”

Hinge: Playdates for toddlers

Social dating app Hinge already reckons it can take on Tinder, but now it’s thrown down the gauntlet by introducing a new unique vertical — playdates for toddlers. If you’re aged 2-5, you can now arrange play-dates through mutual friends as of now.

LinkedIn Magic Mirrors

With Magic Mirror, LinkedIn is bringing “professional” photo filters to the mix, as it looks to help “reveal your hidden career dreams.” You simply upload a profile picture, click, and you’ll be told what your secret career ambitions really are. It considers elements such as location, all the majors you switched in college, career history, games of pretend you played as a kid, and more. It’s all very clever stuff.

MagicMirror-UI-1024x710

Hulu Pets

Hulu Pets doesn’t involve watching cats and dogs jiggling around with a hoop around their waists, though we wish it did. No, this is a new video-streaming offering from Hulu aimed squarely at all your furry little friends.

It features “premium content and originals,” with Hulu guaranteeing that “tails will be wagging in front of the TV screen for weeks and months to come!”

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