The chaos of this year’s Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles is behind us, but we still have a major duty to fulfill: the non-awards!
You see, while most publications will focus on mentioning the games with the best graphics or interesting gameplay, we like to give shout-outs for the sort of stuff that no one else is really bothering with. Some of our non-awards recognize cool moments, some focus on awkward gaffes, and some even complain about doughnuts.
Welcome to the GamesBeat E3 2015 Non-Award Awards! (Here’s last year’s choices).
I want to see Adam Boyes’ character sheet — the guy’s luck stat has to be through the roof.
Somehow, this unassuming and jovial Canadian got hired to effectively hold secret meetings with kick-ass developers and then gloat about it. Last year was bad enough: Boyes happily bounded into Sony’s E3 press conference to reveal some of the biggest publishing deals (PlayStation and Activision’s Destiny) and bigger surprises (Grim Fandango Remastered) of that year. In fact, if you isolate the audio after Boyes announces Grim Fandango Remastered, you can plainly hear my overjoyed ass devolve into a squealing fanboy.
But that is nothing compared to what this dude has been doing in the months (and even years) before taking the E3 2015 stage. Prior to blowing the collective minds of the desperately faithful with the Shenmue 3 Kickstarter announcement, Boyes was holding multiple secret meetings with series producer Yu Suzuki. Think about that: Sony effectively pays Adam Boyes to be a game-development spy with one of the most respected names in game-making. Those meetings probably had snacks, too.
Such a job description would be the enviable result of a lifetime of devotion and sacrifice, but all that came after Boyes got to be the cherub-faced Santa to a whole different generation of developers. After over a decade of demand, countless pages of forum whining, and dozens of hours of vlogs and even professionally produced begging videos, it was Boyes that got to confirm the existence of the Final Fantasy VII remake to the world.
All that is just what we get to see of Boyes’ career. Who knows how many times he stealthily ducks into a clandestine meeting with Rockstar about Agent, or tortures a disobedient animator for trying to bring back Gex the Gecko. Even Boyes spends the rest of his year behind the dullest desk in the plainest office at Sony, for those 15 minutes the Canuck got to be Willy Goddamn Wonka.
And he probably gets paid more than you and me to do it.