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My girlfriend and I were getting ready to head down to Nintendo’s Redwood City, CA offices for a Wii Sports Resort demo, and the competitive ass in me decided to flare up. In preparation for a casual-gaming war against her, I wore a loose shirt, shorts, and tennis shoes for maneuverability — I even took a few extra swipes of deodorant. Believe me, if I had access to old-school tennis short-shorts and a sweatband for my head, I would’ve worn them.
I privately scoffed at her outfit of choice — skirt and heels — not wanting to alert her to the wardrobe advantage I was holding. On the way there, we stopped at McDonald’s for a quick first meal of the day, but she wasn’t hungry, so I mentally congratulated myself for yet another upper-hand move. Surely having food in my system will keep me going when she’s fading under the weight of malnutrition and those heavy Wiimotes.
Turned out a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and fries don’t supply you with energy-packed carbs. And tennis shoes may not be better than high heels in Wii Sports Resort’s eyes after all. Or maybe I just stink. Because throughout our hour-long demo, my girlfriend thoroughly kicked my ass. Here’s how it went down.
Game 1: Frisbee Dog
The first event (out of 24 total, divided into 12 different categories) showed off the included-with-the-game WiiMotion Plus accessory the best out of everything we played. On-screen, you could see how your very subtle hand movements translated perfectly into how you held and positioned the Frisbee, and if you’ve ever thrown one in real life before, you know how even the slightest change in throwing angle can greatly affect the trajectory.
I have thrown a real Frisbee before and I’m good at it. But I really didn’t give the WiiMotion Plus enough credit today, thinking Resort is still a casual game that should be pretty forgiving. Nope. I arced the Frisbee far left, I arced it far right…and it wasn’t until my girlfriend started nailing her shots before I realized my bad form was all my own fault.
Frisbee Dog score – Raychul: 470, Shoe: 300
Game 2: Power Cruising
I thought I’d have this one since I tend to play more racing games than Raychul. We rode jet skis, holding our Wiimote and Nunchuk as handlebars with twisting throttles. I held the lead for most of the track until a really well-timed sideswipe shoved me way off course, causing me to lose at the last second. So…that’s how she was going to be playing today….
Power Cruising results – Raychul wins
Game 3: Bowling
WiiMotion Plus brings a new dimension to bowling (golf, too, which we didn’t try today). Again, think subtle hand motions. Raychul was quite pleased to see that you could still throw the bowling ball back to scare all the Miis in attendance behind you, but she was all business when it came to the pins in front of her.
We didn’t have time to play a full 10 frames, so we stopped at four, which put us at a tie. Raychul, however, was quick to point out to the Nintendo reps that her last shot was a strike, which would’ve brought her bonus points if we had played another frame. Aw shucks, too bad.
Bowling score – Raychul: 47, Shoe: 47
Game 4: Table Tennis
Not even my Chinese genes could save me from this butt-whupping. By the end of our match, I was noticing how the WiiMotion Plus was letting me spin the ball how I wanted, but it was far too late by then. I started to regret having told the room about this story idea (documenting how well I would play against my girlfriend).
Table Tennis score – Raychul: 6, Shoe: 2
Game 5: Archery
I was just so sure that I was going to turn things around with archery, since I already had some hands-on time with it at E3. And I was so desperate to win at this point, I wasn’t even going to remind Raychul to aim higher when the target was moved back or that the wind had picked up in later rounds. But she figured everything out and escaped with a close win.
I tried finding secret targets in the background that would give me bonus points, but I didn’t spot one. It was now time for me to start throwing out the, “Oh, I’m letting her win” excuses….
Archery score – Raychul: 95, Shoe: 94
Game 6: Airsports Dogfighting
Holding our Wiimotes like paper airplanes, we chased each other around the huge island (which was way too big for a two-player duel) and shot at each other’s planes. After a while, Raychul grew frustrated and started suicide dive-bombing into the ocean to escape me. I had won…finally!
Airsports Dogfighting score – Raychul: 1, Shoe: 30
Game 7: Three-Point Contest
I had trouble with this event before, but I figured it out today. My problem during E3 was that I needed a softer touch and not flick my wrist like I was physically holding a heavy basketball. Unfortunately for me, my girlfriend figured it out, too.
Three-Point Contest score – Raychul: 18, Shoe: 16…grrr.
Game 8: Swordplay Duel
Apparently, bull-rushing me and aggressively thwacking my head with the sword is all that’s needed to push me off the platform. Twice. In a row. I thought fencing was a finesse sport?
Swordplay Duel score – Raychul: 2, Shoe: 0
I did end up winning another event at the end of our demo, but…uh, it was for a co-op cycling race, so technically we won it together. I did learn a valuable lesson this day: I’m not bringing my girlfriend to anymore competition-based demos.
Also: I hate her.