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In this week's investors call, Bobby Kotick, CEO of Activision, mentioned the company's Code of Conduct. A few Bitmob members decided to get to digging and find this Code. These are the highlights of what we found.
“It's all about the act, less about the vision.”
Never forget: the name of our company is an anagram for "A con I visit." Our company motto – “It's all about the act, less about the vision” is not just a motto- its a way of life. Luckily the only fans that stick with us deserve to be treated like shit, so it's not like we're doing anything bad.
Some employees are currently concerned over the developments at Infinity Ward- Don't be. Bungie and Blizzard will make up for any mistakes we make now, time to waste a shit ton of money!
On Bobby Kotick
If Mr. Kotick farts and blames you- say nothing.
Don't look directly into Mr. Kotick's eyes.
If Mr. Kotick smells like sardines- just ignore it and man up. Sissy.
It's not sexual harrassment. Mr. Kotick has an inner ear issue that makes him grabby.
No one can wear Crocs… Except Mr. Kotick.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain — he is in no way controlling Mr Kotick.
Let's have Bobby Kotick do a Q&A in Game Informer where he doesn't answer any questions
Bobby Kotick stopped using Star Wars references once he realized he didn't own the license.
Just ignore it when Mr. Kotick spells "come" with "cum"- he is used to M4M chat rooms.
Surprisingly, Mr. Kotick is a bottom. That means he is a taker, not a giver… OK, well that second part isn't so surprising.
On Tony Hawk
If Tony Hawk suggests modes for "his" next game- smile, say ok and then forget what he said as soon as he leaves.
If Tony Hawk is riding his skateboard down the hallway- MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!
Hire Bungie to start working on space themed skateboarding game, Tony Hawk: Zero Gravity edition, check!
Let's give the skateboard game developer a music game, they're in the same genre right?
On Guitar Hero
Any employees with family must have a Guitar Hero nite at least once a week.
Maybe if we labeled all our music games with Hero…
Coming soon- Call of Duty Hero.
You don't have a good idea for a game unless your idea takes into account yearly sequels for at least a decade.
When in doubt- just put the damn game out and let the suckers eat it up.
Oversaturation? There is no such word.
Just because we've already done it a million times, doesn't mean we should stop.
Once you make something good, make it once a year.
We have never met shovelware we didn't like.
We have never heard a pitch for a sequel that we didn't like.
We can wait to announce Bungie's next game! It's called Olah and stars a green space marine named Mister Fiehc.
On Legal Action
When in doubt- sue!
Bonuses are really just suggestions, not a real thing- like unicorns.
Our new staffing plan- 10 lawyers for every developer.
Just because we won't publish your game, that doesn't mean we want somebody else to!
In the event of a contract dispute, just assume we win.
We can say anything and just claim it was a joke later. Screw skepticism- We kill baby pandas. Just kidding! See!
On World of Warcraft
Problem – can't make a mmo hit like WOW. Solution – buddy up and play nice for a few years, sabotage from inside.
You must own a World of Warcraft account, even if you don't play.
Standard working hours- 8am to 2pm. No sleeping on the job!
No purchasing games by our competitors, no matter how much better they are than some of the crapola we put out.
Execute anyone that suggests Spider-Man should be in Marvel vs. Capcom 3.
Our favorite way of belittling EA is to let them 1UP all of our comebacks with something wittier, they'll cave soon!
What? You want some dlc for free!? Hahahaha…
The standard answer to the question "What is your favorite movie" is either Spider-Man or one of the other movies we are currently making games based on.
The real reason Ebert doesn't think gamers are art? He only plays our games.
Fridays are casual dress day.
Treyarch isn't a developer, it's a super computer.
Once we ruin the name Activision, we will just do the same shit under a new one. That's why we haven't renamed ourselves since the merger with Blizzard.
This post was made possible by the following Bitmobbers-
@acronkyoung @evankillham @Giggysan @Crys383 @The_Lancer @Mi_Wuz_Here @CasualAlcoholic @videosta
If you "discover" more parts of the Code, use #ActivisionCodeofConduct to post them on Twitter.
This post is satire, so please don't sue us!