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exclusive reveal of the Wii U's new connector

Wii U will not support HDMI input


Nintendo confirmed today that their next generation of hardware, the Wii U, will not have an HDMI port. The lack of HDMI is just the latest in a series of strange E3 reveals for the Wii U, following news that the system may only support one Wii U controller at a time, and that it will not play DVD or Blu-Ray discs.

Nintendo, whose corporate headquarters is mostly made out of money from Wii sales, has long been known to ignore the competition and create hardware in their own idiosyncratic fashion. According to a company spokesperson, “We don’t believe that HDMI penetration is complete enough to justify its inclusion on the Wii U. Instead, we are debuting the QUETZTEG, a new way to connect devices to your home entertainment centre.”

From early looks at the system, the QUETZTEG appears to be a tentacle-like attachment that will change colours depending on the mood of the room. For televisions that are not capable of using the new connection, estimated at one hundred percent, the Wii U will also have a coaxial hookup.


Cliff Bleszinksi reveals Gears of War is actually misunderstood parody


During an interview promoting Gears of War 3, Epic Games’ design director Cliff Bleszinski admitted that the franchise was created as a satire of action games, and he was surprised when the public chose to embrace it at face value. “The entire cast of characters, the dialogue, and scenarios were intended to parody similar games starring space marines,” explained Bleszinksi, who continued, “we made such a great-playing game that everyone assumed it was meant to be taken unironically.”

With millions of copies sold, the Gears franchise has been a huge success on the Xbox 360, a system initially known for its plethora of shooters. Explains Cliff B, “It seemed obvious to us that Marcus Fenix existed as a response to the 360’s early reputation for first-person shooters. We thought that making a third-person, cover-based game was a funny response to those traditional first-person run-and-gunners. To be perfectly honest, I don’t even know if we’re serious or not now.”

The intentions of Bulletstorm remain unknown.


All Xbox games now required to offer Kinect controls.


Since the launch of the Kinect peripheral for the Xbox 360, an increasing number of games have included some amount of Kinect compatibility, even if only for voice controls. Under new rules for developers, however, all upcoming games will be required to include a control scheme for the motion-controlled device.

We are showing our support for Kinect by making it mandatory for all releases,” said a spokesperson. “While we remain proud of the current Xbox 360 controller, we believe the functions of the 11 buttons, two joysticks, and directional pad can easily be replicated by three cameras and a microphone.”

When asked if they would adopt a similar approach with the PlayStation Move, Sony was unable to respond, as they were busy trying to install more touchscreens on the PS Vita.