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Note: This story is a parody for the latest Bitmob Writing Challenge.
It's the inside that counts.
Cue the mountain dew spit take and grab your blog to spew indignation on the internet, it's time for the most controversial videogame plot twists.
You're quest has taken you to death mountain and alternate dimensions, you've gained trustworthy allies and swords of mass mudcrab destruction on your way to the final boss. But just when you thought you've seen it all the armor comes off to reveal a lithe feminine body inside the zero suit.
The following plot twists either left us scratching our heads, poo-pooing on writers or starting fist-fights at Pax. Regardless of your stance, when our collective world is turned upside down, everyone has something to say.
10. Master Chief is not human.
Many refused to accept the truth when Bungie revealed our favourite super-soldier was nothing but a highly advanced, military artificial intelligence program shoe-horned into green humanoid armor. It did however, explain a lot about the love relationship between the Chief and Cortana.
Love knows no boundaries.
9. Mario and Luigi are not biological brothers.
Sure there were the moustaches and the matching overalls, but when it came out during the ending of Super Mario 2 that Luigi was adopted as a young child, it shook the belief of fans around the world. The revelation was a true test for Nintendo as they struggled to convince fans that while not biological, a weird competitive maternal friendship is sometimes thicker than blood.
Mario and Luigi, brothers by some other mother.
8. Altair doesn't know how to swim
Why does he wear that cowl? To cover his shame.
To be fair, the Templars can't exactly swim either.
7. Bioshock is actually part of the Star Wars universe
The "would you kindly" mind trick, the plasmid force powers? Who would've thought the underwater dystopian city was actually just Star Wars fan-fiction sans the wookies?
The Adam is strong with this one.
6. Raiden is a guy
In one of the most brilliant examples un-leaked plots before launch, Kojima and his team deliberately led players down a false narrative until shocking everyone halfway through Metal Gear Solid 2, causing gamers everywhere to exclaim, "That chick's a dude?"
Well, he's more male than female.
5. The G stands for Gary
The G-Man is known for his mysterious appearances, creepy monologues and monochromatic fashion. But when he isn't bossing you around, his multi-verse inhabiting, hive-minded mother likes to call him by his less hip and cool name: Gary.
4. Lara Croft likes archeology
It's true! Go back and play the games, there's like stuff about tombs and treasure etc.
Lara Croft has interests, and hobbies. Or so I'm told.
3. Mario is not a real plumber
When Nintendo approached american film studios about a Mario bros. movie it was nothing more than a multi-million dollar lie to cover up the fact the little Italian impostor had never even seen a toilet.
You're not fooling anyone.
2. Little Mac was a derogatory nick-name referring to mac's dwarfism
Mac had more to prove than just his boxing prowess during his campaign to become heavy weight champion of the world. And he did it, defeating monsters like King Hippo, not only earning respect for the young boxer, but short people in general.
Really ref? You're gonna allow this?
1. The Zelda timeline actually makes sense
Longtime Legend of Zelda fans and critics alike were speechless when during a recent Skyward Sword press conference Miyamoto revealed in detail how each and every Zelda game fits into a comprehensive and cohesive timeline. Turns out there was so much more to Tingle than anyone could've guessed.
The Zelda timeline makes zero sense.