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It’s not the first time I’ve said it, but it bears repeating: 2022 was a strange year. Perhaps the games themselves weren’t as wild as the industry itself, but we still had some great ones. We also had some not-so-great ones. So to close out 2022, let’s do a slightly different Focus. I’m going to rank all of the games that I played this year — all of them.

This is going to be a long list, so strap in. Since I’ve already published my top 5 games, we’ll start at the top and work our way down. Keep in mind these are rated based on my own personal level of enjoyment with these games. If you disagree with me? Good! I welcome discussion! (Except where the bottom five are concerned. I will not be taking questions on those).

Honorable mentions

Before I start ranking the games I played, let me begin by telling you which games you’re not going to see on this list – for the simple expedient that I didn’t play them. Unfortunately, I’m not blessed with infinite time, so I could only get to so many of them. These games include (but are not limited to):

  • Goat Simulator 3
  • Rollerdrome
  • Dorfromantic
  • SpiderHeck
  • Any sports titles
  • Rogue Legacy 2
  • AI: The Somnium Files – nirVAna Initiative
  • The Mortuary Assistant
  • Gran Turismo 7
  • Tinykin

I wish I could have played all of the above – it’s strictly a matter of time limits that I didn’t. The Mortuary Assistant is a particularly deep cut, as I do love my horror games. I’m also sad that I didn’t get time for the second AI: The Somnium Files game. I like the first one quite a lot, but I’m not actually done with it yet, hence my reluctance to start the sequel.

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Also, I want to forewarn you of some games I did play that won’t be on this list. Here are a few honorable mentions:

Slime Rancher 2 & Coral Island
Both of these games put a big smile on my face. Anyone who knows me knows I love Slime Rancher, and Coral Island scratched my Stardew-like itch. However, both games are early access. I don’t want to officially judge them because they’re explicitly incomplete. It wouldn’t feel fair. But I’ll revisit these later, I promise.

Powerwash Simulator
I wanted so much to like this game — the concept alone is so good. But I couldn’t play it for more than a few minutes without getting seasick. I can’t judge the game for that — my biological peccadilloes aren’t the developer’s problem. But the fact remains I couldn’t physically play this game very much.

Lost Ark & Splatoon 3
Anything multiplayer on the below list, I felt I saw enough of to make a good judgement. Lost Ark and Splatoon 3, not so much. But I want to acknowledge them, as I felt they were generally well-made games. I simply didn’t get enough of them to put them on this list. Also, adding more would disrupt the nice “70” on the list. You know, priorities.

Games 1-10: Mount Olympus

Stray's Cat roams a beautiful cyberpunk city.
Stray’s Cat roams a beautiful cyberpunk city.

I won’t give my Top 5 here, as I already wrote about them in another article, which you can read here. So we’ll start at number 6.

6. Stray
Like most indie games this year, Stray wasn’t a very long game. But it made full use of every moment, as players followed the adventure of a sweet orange cat. The Cat explores a number of environments, including a cyberpunk city that’s possibly my favorite game environment of 2022. Stray was everything it needed to be: More than just “the Cat game,” but a very good Cat game all the same. It also had one of my favorite game endings of the year, though I won’t spoil it.

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge
I’m a sucker for a good throwback and Shredder’s Revenge was a delightful throwback indeed. With some games, if they have good enough gameplay, I’ll just discount the story. That’s exactly what I did here. Who cares if the “story” is comparable to an episode of a cartoon? Just let me absolutely demolish the Foot Clan — that’s all I need. The fact that I could actually unlock a character, as opposed to having to buy them as DLC put the biggest, stupidest smile on my face.

8. Elden Ring
Hear me out! Elden Ring was technically a better game that several of the games that beat it in this ranking. But I confess it took me a while to get into it. Still, it eventually won me over, if only because it’s one of the most beautiful games I’ve played in the last five years. The exploration also freed me from the fetters of previous Souls game and I was able to enjoy myself, even if everything in the whole world was able to ring my bell on the regular.

9. Kirby and the Forgotten Land
I’ll never forget the first moment I, as Kirby, inhaled a car in Forgotten Land. Here’s me, waiting for my (real life) car to get serviced and all of a sudden Kirby pulls that on me. I was so pleased to see it because I knew everything that came after was going to be fun. And it was! I wasn’t expecting to like this game over some other “family-friendly” titles this year, but it won me over with its good humor, charm and some genuinely difficult endgame bosses.

10. Tunic
Tunic is one of those games that makes me feel smart. The central mechanic of finding the guidebook pages was one of my favorite things in a game this year. I also enjoyed the puzzles, which reminded me a bit of Lara Croft Go of all things. I can’t praise other games for cuteness, like Kirby and Stray above, and not express my delight over the diminutive fox who wears the titular Tunic. I enjoyed Tunic, plain and simple, and I’m glad I played it before Elden Ring swallowed me whole (metaphorically).

Games 11-20: The mountaintop peaks

You'll always look dramatic if you stand in an open field with your back to the camera.
You’ll always look dramatic if you stand in an open field with your back to the camera.

11. Neon White
Mike Minotti is going to be very cross with me for ranking Neon White this low. But I did genuinely enjoy the action platforming elements and its replayability. The art style, the movement, the mechanics — it’s a very clean game, in all senses of the word. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even if I found the dialogue pretty skippable. But out of all the games this year with such dialogue (and there were lots), I liked this one the most.

12. Pokémon Legends: Arceus
It’s been a while since I’ve liked a Pokémon game as much as I’ve liked Arceus, specifically because it was different. Playing more like a beginner’s version of Monster Hunter, Legends caught my attention right at the start. You’re no baby-faced neophyte this time. Instead, you begin the game by getting a text message from god itself. If this is the direction that Pokémon is headed, I approve.

13. Hardspace Shipbreaker
This scrapping sim is the perfect accompaniment to a podcast or a show; just throw on something with sound and I could play Hardspace Shipbreaker all day and all night. And yes, I blew myself up a time or three, which gave me the biggest laughs I had playing a game this year.

14. Xenoblade Chronicles 3
This game is probably one of the main reasons that I didn’t play more games this year. Xenoblade Chronicles 3 is a big, meaty RPG with some of the most over-the-top voice acting I’ve ever heard. Everything about this game is so earnest and dramatic I can’t bring myself to dislike things in it that would ordinarily annoy me. It’s a beautiful world and story, though said story did lose me on occasion.

15. Marvel Snap
It takes a lot to get me into a mobile game. Given how many of my other devices are dedicated to gaming, my phone is for destressing and watching funny videos. But darn it, Marvel Snap got me hooked. I don’t even really like card games, but I do when the cards I’m playing have Scarlet Witch and Hulk on them. Like many, I got sucked into Marvel Snap and I can’t deny its charms.

16. Live A Live
I’d heard of this game years ago, so finally getting to play it was a treat. Live A Live feels like several different games that come together to make something greater than its whole. The old-school mechanics and story blend well with the modernized graphics. It’s one of the better RPGs to come out this year — which is saying something, because we got a few of them.

17. A Plague Tale Requiem
This is one of the saddest games to come out this year and the fact that I identified strongly with the main character didn’t help. Requiem expands on the previous game’s scary plague rat mechanic, giving protagonists Amicia and Hugo new stealth and attack tools. While the game is a bit on the long side, it’s a heartbreaking conclusion to the siblings’ story, and I applaud the developers for being one of only a few games this year to wring actual tears out of me.

18. Sonic Frontiers
I was never a Sonic person as a kid, so I didn’t discover the blue hedgehog until my adolescence. So while Sonic Frontiers didn’t tickle the nostalgia button in my brain, I can’t deny it’s a fun, challenging platformer. The open world also serves Sonic well, and it’s a pleasure to run all around it.

19. Marvel’s Midnight Suns
There are many games whose stories I like so much that I ignore the gameplay issues. Midnight Suns is the opposite: I like the gameplay so much that I pretty much ignored the rather silly story. Never thought I’d say this, but I’d much rather be on the battlefield than flirting with Blade and Wolverine. I liked it so much I’m willing to overlook the fact that my Steam copy is almost completely broken (but it does lose the game some points).

20. Vampire Survivors
You know me: Roguelikes/lites are not my thing. Ordinarily it’s hard for me to enjoy them. But Vampire Survivors makes it up to me with its bullet hell shoot-’em-up mechanics. I can’t not be happy while slaying this many demons or bats or whatever else might be coming to get me. While I enjoy spectacle, I enjoy just as much when a game can restrain itself to just the basics and still be great.

Games 21-30: The hillside resort

21. Chinatown Detective Agency
A cybernoir mystery puzzle game is everything I could ever want in a game, and this indie title delivered. Chinatown Detective Agency suffers a bit from audio problems and some odd visual quirks, but it’s got a cool central hook prompting users to do their own clue-hunting. The main mystery story is good, as is protagonist Amira Darma — a refreshingly professional spin on the noir detective trope. I just wish there were a little more to it.

22. Cult of the Lamb
I do like weird games and Cult of the Lamb’s combination of action-RPG and eldritch cult leader life-sim is about as weird as it got this year. I wasn’t sure when I saw the art style that I would warm to the game, but I’m glad I gave it a shot. It’s one of the most interesting indie titles to come out this year, with absorbing gameplay. It doesn’t feel like it should work, but it’s audacious enough that it manages to work anyway.

23. Digimon Survive
I’m not above giving props to a game just for finally coming out after many years in development limbo (see entry number 5 on this list). Digimon Survive is also a cute (if rather dark) visual novel with a turn-based RPG battle system built around it. Like I said above, I like weird games and I feel Survive does a good job of repping for the other ‘mon in a year where we got two (technically three) Pokémon games.

24. Citizen Sleeper
It took me way longer than it should have to play Citizen Sleeper, considering it’s a dystopian sci-fi story with fantastic art design. Thank goodness for Game Pass, as I was eventually able to get around to it. While its central dice-based time mechanics may not be for everyone, I think it told a fantastic story about humanity and survival. Not every visual novel can tell a good story and be fun to play.

25. Return to Monkey Island
The art style looks great. Don’t even lie to yourselves now. My adventure game nostalgia was particularly well-served this year and Monkey Island was one of the primary vessels for it. I’m so happy to have Guybrush back.

26. MultiVersus
Games like this one aren’t supposed to work. PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale didn’t work. Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl didn’t work. But MultiVersus somehow succeeds to the point I think it doffs the “Smash Bros clone” stigma. I don’t think I’d call it a serious esports game necessarily, but it’s way more fun and interesting than it has any right to be given its bizarre roster of characters. Or maybe it’s because of its bizarre roster of characters.

27. The Quarry
Gotta hand it to Supermassive, they decided they wanted to make the best darned choose-your-own-adventure horror game and they’re going to keep doing it until they strike gold. Not sure I’d call The Quarry gold — more bronze. The dialogue still tips over the edge between “camp” and “I will let you die so I don’t have to hear your voice anymore.” But The Quarry feels like it’s more in on the joke than Until Dawn was, and it’s at its best when it leans into its silliness.

28. Ghostwire Tokyo
Ghostwire Tokyo proves that visual panache and character can make up for a lot of problems with a game, including a lackluster story and repetitive gameplay. Most other games further down the list suffer from similar problems, but Ghostwire rises above with some memorable enemies and a haunting depiction of an empty Tokyo. It’s not perfect, but it succeeds at what it’s trying to do.

29. LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
LEGO games are always fun and the Star Wars LEGO series is one of their best. Playing through all nine main Star Wars movies in LEGO form is pure good fun. Also, I want to commend any game that has kept pace with Elden Ring in sales, which Skywalker Saga managed for a surprisingly long time this year.

30. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II
This ranking is based on the single-player campaign, rather than multiplayer (because I’m too antisocial to tangle with the CoD crowd). And MWII, while brief, still tells a good story. I enjoyed seeing the return of more familiar characters like Ghost and Soap, who get rebooted backstories and designs. Call of Duty campaigns may not be flashy games, but they’re a fun yearly activity — like Thanksgiving.

Games 31-40: The flatlands

Disney Dreamlight Valley looks very impressive.
Disney Dreamlight Valley has helped Gameloft pivot into PC/consoles.

31. Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII Reunion
While the FFVII remake told a new take on the original story, the new Crisis Core is basically just a remaster so those who didn’t own PSPs (like me) can get caught up on the backstory. I’m told it’s more or less unchanged from the original. It’s a decent enough action-RPG title. However, it loses some points from me because the new voice of Zack Fair grates on my nerves something awful.

32. Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope
I never imagined “Mario meets the Rabbids, only its XCOM” was a concept I would like, let alone one that would warrant a sequel. But the new game improves on the original with its more open combat and world. This is a silly game and I mean that in the best possible way.

33. Disney Dreamlight Valley
Here’s another one I didn’t imagine myself liking as much as I did. Dreamlight Valley is an adorable take on the “Disney shared universe” concept (if a bit self-serving as an advertisement for Disney goes). As far as games for kids go, it’s a wholesome and sweet life simulation title with cute, familiar characters. I also appreciate that it’s got so few pay-to-earn mechanics, as I was afraid before it launched that it would be a cashgrab title.

34. Weird West
The West has never looked so dark and sinister as in Weird West. This Western gothic horror RPG puts the player into the body of several different people around the area, each with their own stories. The top-down style recalls more old-school RPGs, and it mixes well with the action-style gameplay. The more time you spend in this world, the stranger it gets. I appreciate the way every hero’s story overlapped with the others.

35. Beacon Pines
Out of all the visual novels this year, Beacon Pines had my favorite art design. I also appreciate that, out of all the many choose-your-own-adventure games with branching story paths (of which there were many this year), this one allows you to go back any time you’d like and redo your choices to unlock new stories. It’s a true delight to play, especially with the Narrator’s sweet voice. It’s not a long game, but I enjoyed that brief time I had with it.

Heroes, I guess.
Heroes, I guess.

36. Triangle Strategy
Add this one to the list of good RPGs we got in 2022. Triangle Strategy’s characters are a bit undercooked, but its world and battle mechanics make up for it. I’d probably have rated it higher in any other year, but I admit that I had trouble getting absorbed in the world. That might be my fault, given that I was busy with other titles the year it came out. But when I did click with it, it was an awesome tactics title.

37. Harvestella
Harvestella wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I thought it would be more Stardew-like than Final Fantasy-ish. Shows what I know, because the game turned out to be pretty combat-focused. That’s not a disappointment at all. It’s not a fantastic game and it’s not really as cozy as other games of the genre, but it’s got pretty visuals and a nice soundtrack.

38. Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin
In case you’ve not yet noticed, I’m a bit of a wimp with difficult games. I usually enjoy them even through the struggle, but Stranger of Paradise didn’t click with me. While I liked the art design and the more action-heavy gameplay of SoP, I wasn’t too fond of the story or the character design. Something about the story and world was a little too hollow for me to get invested in. But it had its moments.

39. Two Point Campus
My little pillbug students are still stuck in that empty hallway.

40. Need for Speed: Unbound
Yep, that sure is a racing game. Need for Speed: Unbound is a decently fun and responsive racing game, at least, but it’s not much more than that. On a positive note. I painted my first car blue and gave it the license plate “CNDRLLA,” which was probably my favorite bit of customization in a game this year.

Games 41-50: The canyon descent

Sifu from Slowclap
Sifu from Slowclap.

41. Card Shark
Add another entry in my list of weird games this year. Card Shark was a visual novel — with art I’d put almost on par with Pentiment, by the way — about being a cheater in 17th century France. It’s got fun gameplay mechanics, but the main reason it’s so low on this list is that the card shuffling sleight of hand moves were very difficult for me to pull off. Turns out I’m not cut out for this life of crime.

42. Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes
Three Houses was a fantastic expansion of the Fire Emblem formula: An epic saga of war, death, love, hope and friendship spanning a continent, where the heart of the story changed depending on whose perspective we were seeing. Three Hopes returns to this world and gives us even more facets of it to explore, even turning former player character Byleth into our personal Big Bad. This would all be grand, if new protagonist Shez weren’t such a nonentity in their own story.

43. A Little to the Left
This organization game is not as good as Unpacking. But there’s a cat in it. As this year has proven, the presence of kitty is worth at least a few brownie points.

44. Sifu
Sifu was a good game in theory — and not a bad one in execution. The age-as-life-system mechanic was a cool visual, and the rest of the visuals were decent. I wanted to like it, but the beat-em-up mechanics didn’t feel as solid as they could have been. In my case, at least, I think it was the camera that hurt the game most for me: The protagonist takes up so much of the screen I have trouble keeping track of enemies. Also, the story was nothing to write home about.

45. Syberia: The World Before
Syberia is one of the best games to arrive from the 00s-era adventure game dark ages, and Microids has quietly continued the series over the years. The World Before is every bit as gorgeous as its predecessor, following the journey of protagonist Kate Walker all over Europe. It’s a bittersweet title, released following the death of creator Benoît Sokal. The in-game point-and-click mechanics may be a bit fussy, but it’s a lovely bit of nostalgia for a bygone era of adventure gaming.

Joel and Ellie look good, if not very different, in the upgraded The Last of Us.
Joel and Ellie look good, if not very different, in the upgraded The Last of Us.

46. The Last of Us Part 1
The Last of Us was an excellent game, no denying that. I don’t know that it was excellent enough to be released three times in less than 10 years. But damned if it isn’t pretty.

47. Amos Green’s Final Repose
Here’s a game I don’t think many will have played. This is the seventeenth and latest game in the Carol Reed adventure game series. It’s a very niche series, and I don’t expect it’s everyone’s cup of tea. That said, Amos Green’s Final Repose wins some points in atmosphere thanks to the trappings of COVID-19 (it takes place in Sweden during the pandemic), but loses some for its somewhat unsatisfying central mystery, especially compared with other games in the series.

48. Pokémon Scarlet & Violet
Any other year, Scarlet & Violet would have ranked higher. But it suffers a bit by being launched in close proximity to Legends: Arceus, a far better game (in gameplay, if not in looks). Still, it’s a cute if somewhat formulaic Pokémon title — shame about it being so broken at launch. One the things keeping it out of a lower ranking is the fact that I bonded with the beautiful, legendary Miraidon by feeding it sandwiches, which gave me a little chuckle.

49. Dying Light 2: Stay Human
Dying Light’s parkour mechanic was a compelling enough spin on zombie apocalypse — that most ubiquitous of game settings. The sequel delivers a better version of that same mechanic, and not a whole lot else. It wasn’t a terrible game, but I’ll be darned if I can conjure up a single emotion about the plot or characters. I did have a bit of the same problem I did with Powerwash Simulator (see above), but at least it didn’t make me so seasick I couldn’t play.

50. The Dark Pictures Anthology: The Devil in Me
Of Supermassive’s two Until Dawn-like titles, The Devil in Me is the less interesting title. It’s not bad; in fact, I like the concept of exploring the inherent horror in the “true crime” industry. But I don’t think The Devil in Me does this as well as it could. The facial animation is also a little off compared with The Quarry (and I can’t help but compare it to The Quarry), and it’s distracting.

Games 51-60: The haunted crevasse

Jay Holt is a conflicted teenager in As Dusk Falls.
Jay Holt is a conflicted teenager in As Dusk Falls.

51. As Dusk Falls
I can almost feel the effort that went into this game, so I wanted very much to enjoy it. Part of the issue may have been that I was burnt out this year on choose-your-own-adventure-style games, as they comprised a larger percentage of titles released than I expected. But I didn’t connect with the characters in As Dusk Falls, nor did I care about their problems. I like the art, though.

52. Far: Changing Tides
Adventure games that eschew dialogue, particularly Limbo-style side-scrollers, need to put in the work to draw me in. Changing Tides never quite managed it. I did enjoy the sailing mechanics though, which did make this more entertaining than the games further down the list.

53. New Tales from the Borderlands
In short: Not as funny or enjoyable as the previous game.

54. Trek to Yomi
I love the films of Kurosawa as much as the next person, but Trek to Yomi proves I wouldn’t really want to be within them. This side-scrolling samurai-style slice-em-up is a cool homage to classic films, but doesn’t succeed at being much beyond that.

55. A Memoir Blue
If I had a nickel for all of the minimalistic point-and-click adventure games published by Annapurna in 2022 that featured a daughter working out her complicated relationship with her mother … I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that there were two of them. I liked A Memoir Blue slightly better for having a more interesting art style, but it’s still a pretty basic and uninvolving adventure game.

Butt Stallion is a recurring character... there's a sentence I've never said before.
Butt Stallion is a recurring character… there’s a sentence I’ve never said before.

56. Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands
In the interest of being fair, I didn’t bring up how I felt about Tiny Tina in my review of Wonderlands. Long story short, if I thought I was sick of this character before, apparently I just hadn’t been overexposed to her enough. I never want to hear this character’s voice or quips again. The gameplay wasn’t bad, but nor was it as DND-inspired as the dialogue. It’s Borderlands with a fantasy filter. Bleh.

57. Midnight Fight Express
To be honest, I don’t dislike this one so much as I don’t remember it. Much like Outriders last year, there’s this blank spot in my memory when it comes to Midnight Fight Express. As far as beat-em-ups go, I had others that I liked better this year.

58. Evil West
Pity this game came out in a year with Weird West, which beats it for Western Gothic horror, in my opinion. Evil West is a very simplistic shooter, and beyond the spectacle elements it held no appeal. There was no sense of the characters or the world they were living in. It didn’t feel “real,” which I know sounds so vague as to be a copout. But I just wasn’t engaged by this one.

59. Gotham Knights
You already know my problems with Gotham Knights — a slow, unfulfilling glimpse of a world without Batman. Bruce’s proteges can’t quite keep pace with his legacy, both in-universe and in terms of gameplay. And there’s a crafting system, because this wasn’t painful enough already. I could not even play enough of this one to finish the review.

60. Overwatch 2
As a once-ardent fan of Overwatch, the concept of the sequel-that-isn’t-a-sequel upsets me. Overwatch 2 should be more of an improvement on the original than it is — it’s not like there wasn’t room for improvement. Instead, Blizzard has turned what was once an enjoyable multiplayer title into a money sink with hilariously imbalanced characters. I felt this change on a personal level.

Games 61-70: Welcome to Hell

61. Rainbow Six Extraction
Anyone else remember this game? Because I sure as hell don’t. Well, correction, I do remember playing this and thinking about all the other games I’d much rather be playing. I’m better at co-op games than I am multiplayer, but something about Extraction felt artificially padded to serve a co-op function. It just didn’t leave an impression, and given that it’s an alien horror title, I’m not sure how that’s even possible. You have to be aggressively uninteresting to divert me from that genre.

62. Immortality
Honestly, I’m surprised this isn’t further down the list — because I remember disliking so much about Immortality. I was initially hooked by the story premise and its subtle horror, but it quickly took a hard turn into the supernatural that turned me off of it. Also, the central puzzle mechanic was tedious as hell. I’m sure Immortality wants to say something about art, artists and the evils of creation, but nothing about it sold me that it was actually saying anything more than pretentious drivel.

63. Vampire: The Masquerade — Swansong
Another game that I didn’t initially remember playing at first, but then I dredged up the memories. Swansong is an attempt to make a mystery-adventure RPG set in the world of Vampire: The Masquerade. But somehow it forgets to add in all the sexy allure that makes that world so appealing in the first place, or any of its fascinating horror elements. The characters are also some of the least interesting in any game I’ve played this year, which is saying something.

64. The Chant
I feel bad for disliking the debut effort of a small studio this much, but something about The Chant just didn’t stick with me. This Dead by Daylight-ish horror title feels like it needed more of everything: More scares, more character dialogue, more time to cook the bizarre character animations. Also, this might sound like a small thing, but the color palette actually turned me off the most about it — it makes the game look messy and hurt my eyes.

65. Hindsight
Out of the two Annapurna-published mommy-child relationship-exploration sims with minimal gameplay that came out this year, Hindsight was the lesser of the two. The “aperture” mechanic wasn’t as interesting as the developers seemed to think, and the art style is not to my taste.

The Callisto Protocol has fewer horror moments than you'd think.
The Callisto Protocol has fewer horror moments than you’d think.

66. Saints Row (2022)
To be clear, while these rankings are based on my opinion, I don’t actually hate these games. None of these rankings are personal … except this one. Saints Row 2-4 were some of my favorite games of all time, and I wanted the new Saints Row to be the same kind of criminal mischief that they were. It’s not — not even close. Peel back the layers of attempted social satire and you’re left trotting around a middling sandbox game with a bunch of whiny losers.

67. Scorn
A horror game where the only real thing to fear is dying of boredom. Next.

68. The Callisto Protocol
What a disappointment Callisto Protocol turned out to be. It has none of the charm of the series to which it’s the successor, nor any of the horror chops. I still haven’t finished the final boss because the animations and autosave problems make it impossible. I will never forget the moment when my husband walked past me as I was playing this, looked at my face and saying, “You look like you’re having absolutely no fun right now.” He was right, and the fact that it was so apparent just solidified my opinion.

69. High on Life
If I weren’t responsible for cleaning my own home, I would have thrown tomatoes at my TV while playing High on Life with “boos” that would have impressed a pro wrestling audience. I don’t think I laughed a single time at this game. Buuuuuuuut if I’m being completely honest, I don’t actually dislike High on Life as much this ranking would imply — I don’t like it, don’t misunderstand. But I felt this ranking number would give the creators of this game a giggle and, you know, why not?

70. Horse Tales: Emerald Valley Ranch
Okay look, as a former Horse Girl, I can forgive a lot of sins in a horse game. Janky controls, crummy graphics, Stardew-ripoff sim mechanics, whacky progression, startling difficulty curves — all that I could forgive of Horse Tales. No, as a Horse Girl, this game galled me because it has the youthful protagonist riding horseback at speed in the wilderness WITHOUT A HELMET. WEARING ESPADRILLES. I don’t care if it’s just a video game — that’s an irresponsible depiction of rider safety.

And that’s it! Thanks for reading this far! Happy New Year!

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