Microsoft is getting heat this week as emails surface as a result of a lawsuit over the "Vista Capable" marketing campaign of 2006. When Microsoft's Windows Vista operating system fell behind schedule, Microsoft decided to launch a campaign that said PCs on sale during the holidays were capable of running Vista.
But the lawsuit alleges that Microsoft misled consumers by allowing the Vista Capable label to be placed on machines that really shouldn't have had it. Intel reportedly pressured Microsoft to make the lower than recommended minimum hardware requirement so that Intel wouldn't get stuck holding the bag on its inventory of Intel chip sets with less capable graphics. Here is our own fictional account of how the conversations went behind the scenes:
Otellini: Steve, buddy!
Ballmer: Yo. Wassup?
Otellini: Redmond, we have a problem.
Ballmer: My door is always open.
Otellini: It's about Windows Vista Capable.
Ballmer: Yeah, Paul. I'm sorry Vista just isn't going to make Christmas. I made the mistake of hiring too many test engineers. Those guys just find everything. But this Capable thing is my own idea. We say the machines are capable of running Vista and they buy their holiday PCs. Then they can upgrade for a low low price afterward.
Otellini: Steve, I told you to use your cash to buy Lehman Bros. stock. They're hot. About Vista Capable. I get it, Steve. Quit reading from Allchin's script.
Ballmer: How did you know about that?
Otellini: You always stumble over the words when you're reading.
Ballmer: Now what can I do for you?
Otellini: I have these things called chip sets.
Ballmer: Don't get technical on me, Paulie.
Otellini: Don't call me Paulie. You know I hate that. You want me to get Andy on the phone?
Ballmer: No, don't do that. Bill told me what chip sets are. I'm totally briefed for this call, dude.
Otellini: I have these wonderful Intel 915 chip sets. They're great little things that do graphics and chip set functions for those PCs where you don't want your own stand-alone graphics chip. They're for the mid-range and low-end computers. I've got billions of dollars of inventory of these chip sets.
Ballmer: That's cool.
Otellini: Well, Allchin has set the minimum requirements for running Windows Vista a little high. You see, he says it should run on machines with a stand-alone graphics chip. That means Nvidia and ATI will sell graphics chips.
Ballmer: So?
Otellini: And I get stuck holding the bag on billions of dollars worth of chip sets.
Ballmer: Oh. I see.
Otellini: Bingo. You gotta help me out. Maybe just say that Vista really doesn't need to run on stand-alone graphics chips. Just fudge it a little.
Ballmer: I don't know, man. Our little people have been talking to your little people. Allchin says he's going to bill me for all his unpaid overtime if I lower our standards.
Otellini: You've got the cash.
Ballmer: I know. But he wants his friends paid too. We had 10,000 people working on this thing for a lot of years.
Otellini: And it's still a memory hog? Oink, oink.
Ballmer: Hey, don't make fun of my people.
Otellini: Sorry. I should leave that to Steve Jobs.
Ballmer: Have you heard about his advertising plan?
Otellini: Something about I'm a Mac, I'm a PC.
Ballmer: Yeah, that'll never get any traction. Can't you just give these chip sets to Jobs?
Otellini: He ain't buying. The chip sets aren't pretty enough.
Ballmer: Paint them white. That'll do it.
Otellini: No. He wanted us to paint them six different colors. It's not an option. Steve, we built these chip sets for you.
Ballmer: Sorry, what? I got an invite to play Gears of War.
Otellini: Steve, turn off the Xbox 360.
Ballmer: Will do. Aghh. Not another RROD.
Otellini: You should have used our chips. I'm just asking for a little change in the wording. Just write "almost Vista Capable" in really small print before any mention of our chip sets in the specification.
Ballmer: I'll see what I can do.
Otellini: Mark Hurd is my golfing buddy on this one.
Ballmer: Why does HP care?
Otellini: We gave Mark's people a special discount. He has a billion dollars worth of these chips in inventory. He's new, you see, and I could only pull that trick once on him.
Ballmer: Oh, I see. Big write-off coming?
Otellini: Unless you can help us out.
Ballmer: I'm all ears.
Otellini: You know, Jen-Hsun at Nvidia isn't going to be happy about this. He wants to sell graphics chips. I hate how he thinks he owns the PC. I own the PC, along with you.
Ballmer: Jen-who? Oh, yeah. His own people call him Jensen.
Otellini: He's getting greedy. I heard him say that Nvidia was more important than Microsoft.
Ballmer: The bastard!
Otellini: Yeah, he was talking to that New York Times reporter John Markoff and I overheard them.
Ballmer: He told Markoff that?
Otellini: Yeah. And Markoff nodded, like he was gonna print it.
Ballmer: I don't know Paul. It doesn't seem right. Consumers are going to run Vista on your 915 chips and I don't want to be there when the machines all grind to a halt.
Otellini: I don't need to remind you of all those emails we might suddenly find from the antitrust years?
Ballmer: Hey, don't forget the safety deposit box key that I have for AMD.
Otellini: You know, Google has been asking us to make some really cool server chips for them.
Ballmer: You said the G word. That's crossing the line (pounds fist on table).
Otellini: Sorry.
Ballmer: Don't make me throw a chair across the room.
Otellini: I was out of line. I apologize (fingers crossed).
Ballmer: Alright Paul. We got a deal.
Otellini: On behalf of Intel shareholders, I want to thank you, Steve.
Ballmer: Now, Paul, we have to seal the deal. Say it.
Otellini: Aw, man.
Ballmer: Say it!
Otellini: All the people in the other cubicles will think I'm losing it.
Ballmer: I told you to build a glass office. Say it!
Otellini: (screams) Vista! Vista! Vista!
Ballmer: Yeah, baby!