Split “helps people avoid awkward encounters” in meatspace.
That means you run into someone at a cocktail party. Maybe you were talking crap about them and they found out. Maybe you hooked up with them once. Whatever. It’s awkward.
And you are so freaking maladjusted that you need an app to prevent yourself from getting into these situations. You can’t be honest, tactful, or poised. You have to rely on GPS and more to high-tail it in real time.
Good freakin’ grief!
The app idea is bad enough. The fact that it’s raised $1 million is much worse.
That’s a million dollars that could have been invested in money-making developer tools, privacy-protecting security startups, or, God forbid, a profitable platform that supports non-profits.
Here’s the roll call of investors participating in the round, straight from the press release:
Entrepreneur, investor, and real estate and fashion mogul Christopher Burch; Warner Music Group Director and PERFORM Board Member Jorg Mohaupt; international designer, actress, and fashion icon Dodo Bar Or; CEO and co-founder of acclaimed advertising and branding agency Zarmon Goldman DDB, Hadar Goldman; private venture capitalist and board member of several Internet businesses Alex Zubillaga; and PERFORM joint CEO and board member Oliver Slipper.
“Just imagine a world that no matter where you go, you only run in to people you want to meet,” said Udi Dagan, CEO and founder of Split, in a statement on the news.
Guess what, Udi: That world doesn’t exist. In the real world, we run into exes and former friends, bad-actor business partners and estranged relatives.
That’s freaking life. Grow a pair, use the million bucks to buy some manners, and pitch us again when you have a real idea.
In the meantime, remember that all press is allegedly good press; you got a link back and a name drop. That’s the best we could do.