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Want to fulfill your biblical commitments to be fruitful and multiply from the convenience of your mobile phone? Do you get hot and bothered by guys named “Noah” or gals named “Rebecca” with black, curly hair? Then, I’m happy to report that the Internet industry has birthed the solution to satisfy your mother’s weekly guilt trips with one-click convenience: Jswipe, Tinder for Jews.
Jewish dating app Jswipe is a transparent knock-off of multi-billion dollar mobile dating sensation Tinder, which, if you’re unfamiliar, lets singles swipe a single’s thumbnail image to the right right if they want to strike up a conversation. If both users swipe right, they’re invited to chat instantly. As a result, Tinder has gotten the reputation for being a hookup app, thanks to its presumption that appearances are the primary reason we choose whether want to get to know someone’s personality better.
But unlike the immediate satisfaction of Tinder, Jswipe is going after a genetic lineage that has the patience to wander through the desert for 40 years. Unless sarcastic pillow-talk is your dream for a one night stand, there’s really only one reason you want to find a fellow Jew to date: You’re looking for a long-term commitment.
And, unlike Tinder, Jswipe puts all the religious info up front: Jewish sect and kosher preferences are the top two categories. In my profile below, you’ll see that that I’ve chosen secular Jewish and not kosher (as an avid Paleo-dieter, I loves me some bacon).
Just in case users didn’t know this was a Jewish dating app, its creators have litterd the user interface with cute Hebrew pop culture. Swipping right on the app is marked by a green star of David. When you’ve got a match, it replays the familiar bar-mitzvah graphic of being hoisted up on a chair. It delights with silly nostalgia.
So, is Jswipe any different? A bit:
For one thing, I notice most of my matches don’t respond back on a Friday night, unlike Tinder. Even if I send them an innocuous message, like “How was your shabbat?”, I don’t get a response till the next day. These nice Jewish girls don’t want even the hint of a hookup.
For another thing, there’s less skin. Tinder is littered with girls showing off leggy pics featuring short black dresses adorning a bevy of gal pals. There’s also a lot more gratuitous beach pics. Jswipe is sweaters and pants as far as my corrective lenses can see. No sexy pics there.
Third, there are time constraints: Jswipe includes a Mission Impossible-type feature where messages expire after a certain time period. Unless you decide to meet up in person in a few days, the message disappears. Logistically, this is the twenty-first century equivalent of a nudging matchmaker: “Go on, meet her already!” I can feel the app telling me.
However, this feature backfired, wrecking my Monday night plans. I had been gleefully chatting with a curly-haired gal who included a picture of her lifting Olympic weights at a Crossfit Gym. It was love at first swipe. We were in the middle of planning a date when I ran out of time.
I couldn’t contact her, and the cell phone number she messaged me likewise went poof! I contacted Jswipe, and they informed me (to my disappointment) that there was nothing they could do.
Will I continue using Jswipe? You can bet your grandmother’s kugel recipe I will. Dating in a city with an overwhelmingly male population is a numbers game (insert offensive Jewish joke here). I’ll probably continue using Jswipe, Match.com, Tinder, and every other mechanism to wade through the vast singles San Francisco desert of male engineers.
You can check out the app here.