The New Yorker punched the clock with an epic-length profile of Mr. Silicon Valley himself, Marc Andreessen.

Hard to say how much Andreessen will enjoy reading descriptions of his “cranium so large, bald, and oblong that you can’t help but think of words like ‘jumbo’ and ‘Grade A.'”

But the piece still paints a remarkable picture of a man and a firm, Andreessen Horowitz, that has quickly come to dominate the conversation about the future and Silicon Valley.

It’s worth reading the whole thing. But here are some of our favorite Andreessen quotes:

1. Andreessen uses Twitter to broadcast his views to the media because “reporters are obsessed with it. It’s like a tube and I have loudspeakers installed in every reporting cubicle around the world.”

2. On losing sight of an investment’s true value: “You can be thinking your shit smells like ice cream.”

3. On one of the AH portfolio companies: “The dogs are fucking jumping through the screen door to eat the dog food. And he hasn’t done any marketing yet. And he’s profitable!”

4. On Google buying Nest: “1) Either Nest is the most amazing company ever, or 2) Larry Page acqui-hired Tony Fadell for $3.2 billion and got a thermostat business on the side.”

5. Andreessen: “We’re not funding Mother Teresa. We’re funding imperial, will-to-power people who want to crush their competition. Companies can only have a big impact on the world if they get big.”

6. On AH’s track record since its founding in 2009: “We still have a lot to prove on returns. I wouldn’t be comfortable saying we’re No. 1 until 10 years have passed, maybe 15. Until then, it’s Schrödinger’s cat, and I’ve got really good arguments on why the cats are both alive and dead.”


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